2002 Bizarro Awards

The end of the year is usually left to positive reports on those who overachieve. In our zeal to extenuate the positive, we forget those who underachieve, fail, or just plain stick. Without further adieu, the NHL 2002 Bizarro Awards, exclusively on Hockeytraderumors.com.Least Valuable Player:

Jaromir Jagr, RW, Washington Capitals:

Sure Jagr is 5th in the league in scoring but his lackluster work ethic and negative influence on a rising team has dropped the Caps out of the playoff. Please, the Montreal Canadiens with all their injuries and trades this year beat them out in the clutch. I’m sure the organization was glad to drop 10,033,333 on him.

Honorable Mention:

Dimitri Kristich, LW Washington Capitals

9 goals and 13 assists for 4 and a half mil.

Least Defensive Player:

Stephane Robidas, D, Montreal Canadiens

Sure the Selke goes to forwards not defencemen, but for a defensemen to go -24 for the season on a playoff team. Bravo.

Worst Goalie Award:

Ed Belfour, Dallas Stars

I have a lot of respect for the Stanley Cup winner, but he effectively got a successful coach fired, kept Marty Turco out of the net, and amassed a losing record, with a low save percentage. Missing the playoffs and trashing locker rooms are a bonus.

Worst Coach of the Year

Ron Low, New York Rangers

See New York Rangers salary and then their record. Veteran goal tending and hall of famers galore don’t always equal success.

Enron Executive of the Year:

Glen Sather, New York Rangers

Viacom should be peeved, over 60 million in salary and no playoff games at expensive Madison Square Garden. Maybe hot dogs and beers will be $20 next year.

Honorable Mention:

Mario Lemieux, C, Pittsburgh Penguins

NHL’s All Remorse Team:

C Vincent Lecavalier, Tampa Bay Lightning (when is this coming of age going to take place)

LW Billy Tibbetts, Philadelphia Flyers-Pittsburgh Penguins (penalties, suspensions and a long sexual abuse record to boot)

RW Jaromir Jagr, Washington Capitals (LVP)

D Dave Karpa, New York Rangers (Slow, hardly physical)

D Robyn Regehr, Calgary Flames (once a mighty prospect)

All-NHL Team of Failures:

New York Rangers—East

Dallas Stars—West

HMO Un-friendly Team:

C Mario Lemieux, Pittsburgh Penguins

LW Rick Tocchet, Philadelphia Flyers

RW Milan Hejduk, Colorado Avalanche

D Paul Laus, Florida Panthers

D Dmitry Yushkevich, Toronto Maple Leafs

G Curtis Joseph, Toronto Maple Leafs (just a freaky injury)

Retire Already Team:

C Mark Messier, New York Rangers

LW Valeri Kamesky, Albany River Rats/New Jersey Devils

RW John MacLean, Dallas Stars

D Ken Daneyko, New Jersey Devils

D Dave Manson, Utah Grizzles/Dallas Stars

G Eddie Belfour, Dallas Stars

Worst in a fight:

Simon Gagne, C, Philadelphia Flyers

The last guy I want covering my back in a fight; last time he attempted to throw a punch (against Andrei Zyuzin of Tampa at the time) he separated his shoulder and missed a month. So keep the gloves on.

Worst Fans:

New Jersey Devils: poor attendance for a competitive team.

General Hospital Award (Player’s life which resembles a soap opera):

Theo Fleury, LW, New York Rangers

Obscene gestures to paying fans, flipping out in dramatic fashion, substance abuse problem, and now wants to finish his career in Europe…au revior.