A Clear Case of Heresy

Okay – There hasn’t been anything new posted for a day and a half. Yesterday some of the more creative among us were so bored we went into a movie quote frenzy, which I have been told happens on here from time to time (sorry, Mikster).

So I guess it’s time for me to unleash the scud missile of opinions that usually guarantees me a knock-down, drag-out “slobberknocker” in the sports bar, or anywhere else for that matter. If nothing else, it’ll give you all a chance to spew new (and hopefully more original) obscenities at me. Last article I tried to provoke you into some sort of response, and the heat from the feedback didn’t equal that of a nacho bel grande coming out the other end. So let’s try again:

I hate Wayne Gretzky. I always have, and I always will.

“The Great One” – horse apples…

A great passer – yes. A great shooter – absolutely. A great skater – better than me, anyway. A complete hockey player – no freakin’ way.

His slat-sided little butt couldn’t check a pee-wee player. Cassie Campbell could knock him flat.

And fight? No single hockey player was more eerily reminiscent of Chris Makepeace in “My Bodyguard” (come to think of it, Ruth Gordon proably could have kicked his butt too).

Speaking of bodyguards- had to have one on every team he played, didn’t he?

And no one wanted to hit him – he was “The Great One – the Savior of Hockey” – no one seems to have the same pangs of guilt or reservations about trying to knock Forsberg out of a game.

Admittedly, some of my reasons for hating him are personal. In 1980 -1981 I was living in Conn., and my roommate had Islanders season tickets. For my money, those Islander teams were the greatest examples of “hockey teams” (emphasis on “team”) I have ever seen. And you know who their greatest rivals were. I came out of those years hating Gretzky, McSorley, and especially Sather, because I could not abide his incessant yapping to the ref.

And to top it all off, he (Gretzky, not Sather) looks like Meryl Streep on a bad hair day, and doesn’t sound much different either.

For my money, I can name at least three players who I feel were more complete players than Gretzky, because they possessed a more well-rounded game.

Gordie Howe (and you don’t know how much it hurts me to admit a Red Wing was a great player).

Mario Lemieux (although his puling and snivelling about “clutch and grab” lost him some stature in my eyes).

Peter Forsberg (and no, it’s not homerism – he has a dumptruck load of grit, and Gretzky didn’t have nut one…)

There it is – take your best shots.

93 Responses to A Clear Case of Heresy

  1. STPMCPHEE says:

    It’s just you. I’d say you’re mom looks more like a butch lesbian.

  2. STPMCPHEE says:

    You’re dead on with that comment. I couldn’t agree more.+

  3. STPMCPHEE says:

    You mean:

    FLAMES (will be out of the playoffs) FOREVER!!!!!

  4. devfanman4 says:

    I agree. Yeah sure he has a million records, but he was not a complete player. I don’t think anyone will argue that. I never liked him or lemieux or anyone of that caliber. They think they’re god’s gifts to the NHL. I want to see someone give Lemieux a good hit one of these days. Everytime either of those guys touched the puck…everyone on the ice just backed away. They got too much respect for hockey players. They’ve done a lot of great things for hockey, but I think players should’ve treated them more like hockey players and not princesses.

  5. aaron says:

    Dude, Messier/Oates is no question. Messier’s the 3rd highest scorer in NHL history, he’s won 6 Stanley Cups (took the Gretzky and Fuhr-less Oilers to the Cup in 1990…w/ Ranford in net, no less), and Oates ruins every team he’s on. Benched in the playoffs in Washington, Philly’s offense withered to nothing last year when they got him…I hate Oates with a passion. Most overrated player in the NHL.

    I disagree on the older players, btw. The NHL wasn’t as good back then. And you can’t compare goalies to forwards. It just doesn’t work. But especially if you go back to Shore, there’s just no comparison. They didn’t even know how to make slapshots back then.

  6. Heinzee57 says:


    Wayne Gretzky is without a doubt the best player to ever lace up the skates.

    You could ask Gordie Howe and Mario and they’d say it’s Gretzky….

    I apologize for his lack of “grit”.

    His numbers speak for themselves. The Great One put up those numbers without crying about the clutch and grab and he didn’t hang around the league into his 50’s.

    1900 assists…. Boy could he dish the puck.

    My knock on Wayne was he should have stuck around for 6 more goals to 900.

    Great idea for an article, it gets you thinking.


  7. defenestrate says:

    Dual citizenship, so both countries are screwed. And, in case you’re too dim to realize, I did it to get a reaction out of people like you. and it worked. HA!

  8. BlueJacketshockey says:

    I guess not.

  9. booty says:

    Keep firing, Assholes!

  10. booty says:

    When will then be now?


  11. defenestrate says:

    The Bruins had the misfortune of having two players from my all-time greats list whose careers were cut short due to injury – Bobby Orr and Cam Neely. Colorado thanks you for Raymond Bourque, as well.

  12. defenestrate says:

    “Boom-Boom” Geoffrion did – hence the name…

  13. defenestrate says:

    Here’s an addendum for all of you who feel I’m just a misantrope dissing our Lord and Savior:

    1.) If Canadian fans hold him in such high regard, why the “American Lackey” controversey?

    2.) Why did he ditch the Great White North for Hollywood, and then the Great White Way? (He played for the Rangers – how can you respect him?)LOL

    3.) Why, instead of lending his prestige and financial wherewithal to a cash-and-recognition-strapped Canadian team, did he choose to throw his lot in with a crappy American team, in the middle of a desert, with uniforms that look like Fred Flintstone wore them, that no one cares about?

    Keep talking…

  14. JStatic87 says:

    Yeah, I guess she kind of does. Oh well I guess that would make your mom the bitch in her relationship with my mom wouldn’t it? Yeah, I heard your mom loves to do all of that sick shit, but only to butch lesbians.

  15. JStatic87 says:

    Hows about:

    “In this twisted world we don’t spank the monkey, the monkey spanks us.”


    “What’s a Nubian?”

  16. defenestrate says:

    Time Bandits – “So that’s what an invisible barrier looks like..”

  17. defenestrate says:

    “See, that’s social…demented and sad… but social”…

  18. Bishop7979 says:

    My thing is and always will be he played in a different time. when the league began to change, when the trap appeared, when the clutching and grabbing really became an huge part of the game, and when players started to get the 6-4, 220 or bigger and actually had skill gretzky vanished. The last couple seasons he had how many points? Mess has more points right now being older then the pope then Gretzky did before he retired if i’m not mistaken. say anything you will about Mario, I’m a pens fan but not much of a mario fan (would rather have Ron Francis anyday) but at least in todays game mario can still put up 85 points in 65 games at age 37, and for those who only watch sportscenter highlights I will say that Mario does play a strong 2 way game, being the first player back on defence many times, and he may not hit but he will still cut through the center of the ice in the offenceive zone even if it means that he has to bounce off chara to get to the goal. But I’ve gone off on a tangent If we are talking complete player, i would have to say Foresberg would be what i would look for, he can shot pass skate play D and he doesn shy away from physical play. To me fighting isnt a requrement for a hockey player, it isnt as big a part of the game anymore.

  19. bubbakazoo says:

    Still pissed about the Olympics bitchface?

    I’m glad he put his REAL team first and fuck the Pens and Pittsburgh, asshole.

  20. bubbakazoo says:

    See above.

  21. bubbakazoo says:

    They made coincidental minors to stop all the Kurri-Gretzky 4 on 4 goals.

  22. bubbakazoo says:

    Do, or do not. There is no try.

  23. bubbakazoo says:

    Why did God invent alcohol? To stop the Irish from ruling the fucking world!

  24. Pock says:

    no nudity in Casablanca, scratch that off my movies to see list

  25. bruinexpert says:

    they coyotes were the only ones for sale at the time dumbass. he moved to LA because his wife is an actress and there is a hockey team down there for him to play for that could afford him, seems like a good fit to me. third of all, if you were a washed up superstar in the league and a team still offered you big money, would you play there? (ie New York) i know i would, hell i’d play in the minors after that making 30,000/year…you have your head so far up your ass..PS colorado sucks

  26. bruinexpert says:

    doesn’t anyone else see it? Forsberg is gay

  27. amok says:

    I’m not sure what #1 is, so I can’t answer that. #3… who knows. I can shed some light on #2.

    From the Canucks Almanac:

    Wayne Gretzky left the St. Louis Blues after only a half season with the club. The Kings had dealt him to the Blues at midseason, and the Blues surprised the Gretzky party when they offered no new contract. Gretzky, being an unrestricted free agent, was free to sign with any team that he pleased. Many teams were interested, but when the cards fell, it came down to two teams: the Vancouver Canucks, and the New York Rangers.

    Talks between the two teams for a new contract began on July 18th. Discussions at a downtown hotel went late into the night, and into early morning, between Ron Barnett, Gretzky, and Stan McCammon, John McCaw and Pat Quinn. Gretzky left for bed, and left his agent and the Canucks to discuss their offers further. After Wayne left, the Canucks increased their offer to 3 years, at $5 million per season. Ron Barnett gave the offer to Gretzky, who told the Canucks party that he would sleep on it and give them an answer in the morning.

    In the middle of the night, the Canucks called Barnett to tell him and Gretzky that they wanted an answer at that very moment, concerned that Gretzky would use the Canucks offer sheet to get a larger deal from the Rangers. This irritated the Gretzky party. Gretzky ignored the Canucks and went back to sleep. By the next morning, the Canucks’ offer was withdrawn. Gretzky would sign a two-year deal almost immediately with New York, worth $10 million.

    Pat Quinn: “We felt a decision should have been forthcoming. It wasn’t, so we decided to withdraw.” Pavel Bure told The Sun in late July 1996 that he would have had no problem with Gretzky joining the Canucks as their highest paid player. “Wayne is a legend and he’s done so much for hockey. I think he’s on a different level than anybody else.”

  28. Kraftster says:

    Single-handedly changed it for the BETTER!

  29. bubbakazoo says:

    You always have great insights. Observant, and intuitive.

  30. defenestrate says:

    And he actually writes on your level…

  31. defenestrate says:

    See, it’s working. I get you mad enough, you lose all sense of grammar and punctuation, and resort to your kindergarten “swear words”.

    And Colorado sucks so bad Ray had to come here to win The Cup, because he knew it wouldn’t happen with your cheap-ass ownership…

  32. defenestrate says:

    #1 was – After Gretzky recently came out in support of President Bush, a sign reading “American Lackey” was hung on his statue outside the Edmonton rink.

    We’re not commenting on the war anymore, so I mention this for informational purposes only.

  33. defenestrate says:

    3 assists last night – over 100 points – first full, basically healthy season in awhile. If we win anything, it’ll be because of his line. Sakic has kind of faded into the woodwork.

  34. defenestrate says:

    I often ask myself that whenever I see your name on a post…

  35. defenestrate says:


  36. defenestrate says:

    Gosh, I was wish I had your vocabulary skills…

  37. defenestrate says:

    “There was a gun…it was a flare gun… the f@#$ing elephant was destroyed..”

  38. nicmich says:

    While I would agree with you on Mario, Gretzky never had a god gift to hockey attitude. He is possibly the most humble super star ever.

  39. nicmich says:

    Actually Peter “Puck” then owner of the oilers sold Gretzky to the Kings. Gretzky di not bolt down there. However you are right outside of the Leafs he didn’t attepmt to play for another Canadian team.

  40. JStatic87 says:

    HA HA HA! That was a good one.

  41. JStatic87 says:

    Out Cold- “If I wanted advice on how to clean my bong I’d come to you. But I’m not taking romantic advice from someone who can’t spell ‘romantic’ or ‘advice’…..or ‘bong’.

  42. STPMCPHEE says:

    Obviously, because it’s pretty far fetched

  43. big_booty says:

    “Well, Brian here was just explaining to me that while he is very popular with the ladies in the Niagra Falls area, you and he are currently riding the hobby horse.”

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