A Clear Case of Heresy

Okay – There hasn’t been anything new posted for a day and a half. Yesterday some of the more creative among us were so bored we went into a movie quote frenzy, which I have been told happens on here from time to time (sorry, Mikster).

So I guess it’s time for me to unleash the scud missile of opinions that usually guarantees me a knock-down, drag-out “slobberknocker” in the sports bar, or anywhere else for that matter. If nothing else, it’ll give you all a chance to spew new (and hopefully more original) obscenities at me. Last article I tried to provoke you into some sort of response, and the heat from the feedback didn’t equal that of a nacho bel grande coming out the other end. So let’s try again:

I hate Wayne Gretzky. I always have, and I always will.

“The Great One” – horse apples…

A great passer – yes. A great shooter – absolutely. A great skater – better than me, anyway. A complete hockey player – no freakin’ way.

His slat-sided little butt couldn’t check a pee-wee player. Cassie Campbell could knock him flat.

And fight? No single hockey player was more eerily reminiscent of Chris Makepeace in “My Bodyguard” (come to think of it, Ruth Gordon proably could have kicked his butt too).

Speaking of bodyguards- had to have one on every team he played, didn’t he?

And no one wanted to hit him – he was “The Great One – the Savior of Hockey” – no one seems to have the same pangs of guilt or reservations about trying to knock Forsberg out of a game.

Admittedly, some of my reasons for hating him are personal. In 1980 -1981 I was living in Conn., and my roommate had Islanders season tickets. For my money, those Islander teams were the greatest examples of “hockey teams” (emphasis on “team”) I have ever seen. And you know who their greatest rivals were. I came out of those years hating Gretzky, McSorley, and especially Sather, because I could not abide his incessant yapping to the ref.

And to top it all off, he (Gretzky, not Sather) looks like Meryl Streep on a bad hair day, and doesn’t sound much different either.

For my money, I can name at least three players who I feel were more complete players than Gretzky, because they possessed a more well-rounded game.

Gordie Howe (and you don’t know how much it hurts me to admit a Red Wing was a great player).

Mario Lemieux (although his puling and snivelling about “clutch and grab” lost him some stature in my eyes).

Peter Forsberg (and no, it’s not homerism – he has a dumptruck load of grit, and Gretzky didn’t have nut one…)

There it is – take your best shots.