A little off season humor

This is an email that I received earlier today. It is a little funny and points out what is wrong with pro atheletes today. Don’t get me wrong, if someone is going to hand out the bucks take it but to argue over whether you will make 2 million or 4 million is completely absurd to me.

Oh yeah, this is long and the source of it is unknown but I don’t believe that it is copyrighted!!!

Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of their life-giving pay for several months – possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey Player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?

Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Forward

[ ] Defenseman

[ ] Goaltender

[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number – $10 per minute)

[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with an Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).


17 Responses to A little off season humor

  1. cgolding says:

    i sense something missing…

    😛

  2. The_Coach says:

    hey guys, the main part of this post is missing and it happens to be the funny part!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. mckintz says:

    that was quite the bit of off season humor

  4. habsoverserver says:

    You can’t weather a drought, a drought is a lack of weather.

  5. EmptyNetter says:

    I can’t wait for the humor season to begin. The layoff is killing me 😉

  6. 24cups says:

    INTERESTING…

  7. ranger_fan says:

    coach post the rest. the htr staff doesn’t seem to even read anything unless its mik about the rags and lint with the habs

  8. habsoverserver says:

    Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

    Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of their life-giving pay for several months – possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

    For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

    Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey Player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.

    Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

    HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?

    Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.

    HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?

    Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

    YES, I WANT TO HELP!

    I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check below):

    [ ] Forward

    [ ] Defenseman

    [ ] Goaltender

    [ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number – $10 per minute)

    [ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

    Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with an Income Statement and my very own Bob Goodenow pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

  9. cgolding says:

    ha, yeah. this is a good one. someone threw it oon the espn message boards a while back during the playoffs.

  10. Kashin says:

    IF this lockout goes on for say… another 7 years Alexei yashin might need some money, so if 500 or 600 of us want to combine he can finnally be happy. (note: all extra funds will be used to bring in a winger whos name is not czerkawski)

  11. dkball7 says:

    Don’t forget about the 8 year old with his Leafs.

  12. LeafyMcLeaf says:

    OMG COACH!!!!!!!!!!!

    WE DONT USSUALLY GET ALONG BUT THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I”VE EVER READ HAHA/

  13. rojoke says:

    This isn’t funny. It was funny the first time I saw it, a few months ago. It’s was a little less funny the second time I saw it, about a month ago. But the third time isn’t a charm. And if I’m not mistaken, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen it here.

  14. The_Coach says:

    Sorry man, it was the first time that I saw it. It is funny though.

  15. The_Coach says:

    Hey there Leafy, is it me The_Coach you don’t get along with our the Ottawa fan TheCoach. I am the guy with the underscore who bleeds blue and white.

    I usually don’t get along with Thecoach myself but I will give credit where it is due and say that he generally knows his stuff; although his taste in hockey teams is a little suspect.

  16. TheThrill says:

    midget tickle contests are the only thing funny the third time through….there’s no point in reading anything 3 times if it ain’t about midgets….and tickling

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