A Plea for Help

Dear Friends:

A time of dire need is upon us. We need to pull together. Please dig

down deep. Now is not the time to think about your own pathetic,

meaningless situation.

Since September 11, 2001, Americans and Canadians have come together

as never before in our generation. We have banded together to

overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on

our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small.

But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest

challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are

going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary

level. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation.

But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that’s less than the

cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player

remain economically viable during his time of need. This

contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey

player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout

golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy

that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a

new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.


Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the

Player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds,

401(k), real estate,and other investment holdings will be mailed to

your home. Plus,upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean(for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.


Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just

wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your

name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a

special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.


I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is

(check below):

[ ] Forward

[ ] Defenseman

[ ] Goaltender

[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of

a specific team – $10 per minute)

[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

[ ]Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the

duration of the lockout.

[ ]Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along

with an Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob

Goodenow (Executive Director of the NHLPA player’s Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: _______________________

Telephone Number: _______________________

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

16 Responses to A Plea for Help

  1. rojoke says:

    This place is starting to turn into a recycling depot. Wasn’t this exact same thing posted here about a month ago? And a month or so before that? Come on, guys. Pay attention!!!

  2. CechmanekForVezina says:

    We need to pull together, dig deep, and get some memory pills.

  3. FlamesRock says:

    Kudos to you, best article i’ve read in a while.

  4. Bishop7979 says:

    I knew I saw this somewhere, I just didnt know if it was here or not

  5. hockeyhead says:

    i have been off site for 2 months, so i have not read anything like this.

    it is the funniest thing i have read including everyones put downs and comebacks. maybe not all of mine. and even you knobby. (i know you have a new ID)

    and you guys should not bash the writer. there are people that post these. leave that to them…not the writer.

    great job USA…..canada should still win……watch out for the czechs.

  6. Flyers_Fan_In_LA says:

    VERY funny!!!!

    It makes you wonder when the NHLPA will figure out that they are not just damaging the game but damaging the value of their players in the eyes of their fans. THIS secondary level hurts them with thier endorsement money which goes beyond thier INSANELY HUGE salaries.

    I have said it once and I will say it again. With EACH DAY of a lockout comes 10,000 kids who will spend more time on xGames, xBox and other GenY oriented activities.

    Baseball – AMERICA’s UNDISPUTED pass-time took it on the chin after a strike in thw 1990’s and it took a juiced baseball (if increasing scoring was only that easy) and a HR derby to get the fans back in the stands. If Bettman thinks he can get away with a lockout without hurting the overall revenue of the game he is BADLY mistaken.

  7. CurtRegnier says:

    Maybe it´s been posted here before, but it´s still damn funny….

  8. Aetherial says:

    There was actually a good article by Al Strachan (surprise surprise) in Toronto speculating on the possibility of a European League with eventually a Canadian Division… I suppose that a U.S. division would happen also with a few teams in it that *would* support Hockey (Boston, New York, Detroit, St. Louis, Dallas)

    He actually made some solid points about how this could happen.

    I hope there is a lockout for 2 years and both the players and owners take a financial sh*tkicking from their own stupidity and greed!

  9. dkball7 says:

    Yep, about a month ago this was posted on spectors site, then about a week later it turned up here. When I saw the title I knew that it was the same thing!

  10. the_expert_44 says:

    he didnt write it…

  11. Freeze says:

    That’s funny. I searched the HTR Archive and never found it. How could that be?

  12. rojoke says:

    Contributed by The_Coach

    Posted by TradeMan on Tuesday, August 17 @ 13:22:26 EDT

    Topic: Fans Rant

    It was titled, “A little off season humor.” And I’m pretty sure it was on here before that as well, but I couldn’t get another hit on it. Maybe I saw it somewhere else. I know it’s made the rounds to most of the hockey boards.

  13. Freeze says:

    Ah ha. I was on vacation way out west when it was posted – no laptop. Oh well.

    Question: If this was posted before at HTR, why did the HTR Administrator publish it again?

  14. greatlife15 says:

    The Admin are only human!

  15. rojoke says:

    The real question should be, why the did same HTR Administrator publish it again? The same admin posted both articles. I could see it if a different person posted it. I guess they see a lot of submissions.

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