I Smell A Big Fat Payday

Associated Press reports:

Washington Capitals owner Ted Leonsis grabbed a fan by the neck and threw him to the ground after being taunted throughout the game during the team’s home loss to Philadelphia on Sunday.
Jason Hammer (great name!) is a 20-year-old Washington resident and season ticket holder. He sits directly across from Leonsis’ luxury box. He led a derisive chant (content was unspecified) towards the owner, and held up a sign that read: “Caps Hockey; AOL Stock – See A Pattern?”. Leonsis is the Vice-Chairman of America Online.

After the game, Hammer states he was walking past Leonsis with the sign held above his head when the owner approached him and attempted to strangle him. Allegedly, security guards were needed to restrain Leonsis.

Team sources allege that Hammer thrust the sign into Leonsis’ face and taunted him, and the owner merely shoved him aside.

An independent witness relates that Leonsis grabbed Hammer by the collar, drove him backwards, and pushed him down.

Hammer states that Leonsis called him to apologize, and says he does not intend to press charges.

Yeah, right. “Personal injury” lawyers everywhere are creaming in their shorts just thinking about this one.

Now that we know how easy it is to rattle this guy’s cage, I suggest a road trip to a Caps home game. I propose we form “Team Insult”, comprised of the most erudite and sarcastic SOB’s here on HTR.

We get Teddy Ruxpin to snap and just so much as touch one of us. Then, we re-create the scene in “Detroit Rock City”, and all beat the crap out of each other outside. Then we hit the publicity trail, displaying our injuries.

Who’s up for it?


Btw, off-topic but thoroughly disgusting and disheartening: The original drummer for Judas Priest (Dave Holland) has been arrested and jailed in England for having sexual relations with a teenage boy he was giving “drum lessons” to. Guess he “snared” him and showed him what a “paradiddle” was all about. (Rimshot)!

“Dave’s a killer!” “Dave’s a mess!”

36 Responses to I Smell A Big Fat Payday

  1. Donovan says:

    I just read about it earlier today. I thinks its funny. Leonsis slowly becoming a worse owner the Bill Wirtz. That sign was great. As for the raod trip, I’m up for it.

    “First there was the Milky Way,

    Then there was the Crab Nebula,

    Then there was JUDAS PRIEST”

    Does anyone know where that line came from? Its been driving me nuts.

  2. defenestrate says:

    That’s what’s been driving you nuts? All this time?

  3. Donovan says:

    Well that and syphilus

  4. Donovan says:

    Just kidding. Its not syphilus. Its that thing where you have multiple peronalites. I just knew how to spell syphilus

  5. Tradedude says:

    I dont get it, AOL Stock??? what? lol

    P.s. Cool banner to the left

  6. Tradedude says:

    wide guy eh

  7. Tradedude says:

    ok obviosuly u can spell better than I do.. i meant to say…

    Wise guy eh

  8. habsoverserver says:

    I hear Clarke just traded for Leonsis, saying he isn’t much older than Brashear and is a better skater.

  9. Spektor says:

    Who would “Team Insult” consist of?????????

  10. habsoverserver says:

    Clarke is also rumored to be inquiring if any NHL owners played goalie in college. He is willing to package Ed Snider, Pat Croce and a fourth round pick in the deal.

  11. defenestrate says:

    You’re earning a roster sopt on “Team Insult”…….

  12. defenestrate says:

    “Syphyllis”; “Mulitple Personalities”; “Obviously”.


  13. defenestrate says:

    Leonsis is the vice-chairman of AOL. AOL stocked has tanked since the ill-fated merger with Time-Warner. The hockey team has tanked because they suck.

    Hence the sign’s allusion.

  14. Freeze says:

    Yahoo now offers a free pop-up blocker that you can download into a Yahoo toolbar, which is also free. I tried it out and I did not see any pop-up ads at HockeyTradeRumors.com. Bravo!!!

  15. matteo says:

    The list is long and distinguished……..yeah so’s my johnson

  16. defenestrate says:

    But the list has less parasites and running sores (except for the Ranger fans).

    Or so “Scotty” told me, anyway…..

  17. devfanman4 says:

    I can insist if “Team Insult.” If one more person says the Devils play a boring trap style I think I’ll flip out. Then I’ll be ready to go on a rage.

  18. LondonK says:

    Conflicting reports. Some say that Leonsis attacked him after being taunted, but others have said that Leonsis was taunted, then replied and the fan started at Leonsis violently.

  19. Lint07 says:


    Didn’t notice it was already posted!

  20. matteo says:

    That was a Top Gun quote…..I am saddened you did not recognize it…..there is a tremor in the force

  21. Spektor says:

    Slider of course. sniff sniff…you stink.

  22. defenestrate says:

    Benjamin Disraeli once said to Winston Churchill, “You shall die either on the gallows or of a venereal disease”.

    Churchill replied, “That would depend on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress”.

    See – trash talk is a histroical fact.

  23. defenestrate says:

    You’re a drummer, DFM – you’re automatically in. We’re all anti-social, or we wouldn’t find so much pleasure in beating things into submission.

  24. BayStBully says:

    Honestly dude, I love watching hockey, and I fell asleep through most of the last Leafs-Devils. They are ruining hockey. Except it is fun when they are down a goal, they’re all tripping over each other because they actually have to skate forward for once!

  25. defenestrate says:

    Now you’ve done it………

  26. devfanman4 says:

    Ahhh yes. The stereotypical anti-social drummer. Except when we’re on stage and we have to be a showman.

  27. devfanman4 says:

    It’s only boring and puts people to sleep because they make no mistakes because they are one of the 3 best hockey teams assembled in the past 10 years.

  28. shootinglicense says:

    if a rich man can’t strangle a poor man over a difference in opinions, and get away scot-free then this isn’t america anymore.

  29. defenestrate says:

    good point.

  30. rojoke says:

    A wire story in my local paper stated that Hammer brought a sign to the game, which said, “Caps Hockey; AOL stock – See A Pattern?” Hammer’s seat was directly across from Leonsis’ luxury box, and as Hammer passed Lenosis, the incident took place.

    I have one question. Why didn’t he do that to Jagr while he was still in Washington?

  31. rojoke says:

    It’s a litle off-topic, but Dave Holland was not the original drummer for Priest. Dave joined for 1978’s Hell Bent for Leather record. Les Binks played with the band before that record was released.

  32. Frankenstein says:

    Yo mikster,

    Suck my big fat fucking Frankencock until the Frankenberry juice in my Franken balls has run dry.

    Mikster, you have made a complete asshole of yourself and proven to be worse than half the people you ban when they disagree with you. That is why I am starting a movement to completely terrorize this site and you until you are removed as an administrator and removed from this site. You have fucked with me one too many times motherfucker and you can take that little loaf of shit GretzNYR99 with you down the toilet.

    For those of you who don’t know me, you might recognize me by my other names:

    DirtySanchez, ThePurpleHelmet, the notorious DonkeyDick 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,2000,2001,2002, mikstersuxdikster, Niggercock,Niggertits, TheVaginalPulverizer, TheAnalAnihialator, TheMangler, SoakingWetPussy, ElephantitisoftheBalls, RickHuff, themorman, bigdoglog, big-booty, mikster_ and list just goes on and on………

    It all starts here you cocksmoker and I know there are alot of people in here that will back me up. It is all that semen you are getting pumped up your ass and it is starting to come out of your mouth.Your Fucked Now mikster! hehe You know what i have done in the past, ding ding

  33. matteo says:

    that was some rage you had going there….WOW

  34. matteo says:

    Rob halford is a flaming homoooooooo

    Holy Diver you been down too long in the midnight sea….

  35. rojoke says:

    Dio reference. Very nice.

    Still like Halford. Kinda wish he hadn’t rejoined Priest though. I liked his two Halford records, and the first Fight album. And liked the last two Priest studio records. I had two bands, now I’ve lost one.

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