I've Decided Not to Kill Myself…

…but I’m ready to dismantle the Stars. I spend a buttload on that team each year, including the $4000 i just ponied up for the next two rounds THAT I WON’T EVEN FRIGGIN’ GET TO WATCH!So, here’s my plan to build a new Dallas Stars team.

1. Pierre turgeon has a no-trade. Nobody would want his sorry game anyway. cut him and eat the $6 million.

2. Modano AND Turco might fetch us J.S. Giguere. we’ll throw in Tugnutt and pay his salary as well. Cut him if you want.

3. Hatcher’s a UFA. enjoy the Rangers, big boy.

4. Arnott and his stupid-penalty-getting tendencies PLUS Richard Matvichuk and his tired act might get you one Wes Walz. We’ll cover the salary differential.

5. Martin Havlat for Scott Young, Claude Lemieux, Sergei Zubov, and Darryl Sydor. We’ll cover the salary differential.

6. Bloody-leg Bill Guerin for the rights to negotiate with Cam Neely. or BOBBY Hull. Take your pick.

7. Ask Muller to retire.

8. Acquire the ghost of Dickie Boon off waivers.

so, my new lineup is as follows:



Ott-Malhotra-The rights to negotiate with Neely

Mietennen (prospect)-Lundqvist (prospect)-Di Maio


Macmillan (prospect)-Daley (prospect)

Vagner (prospect)-The ghost of Dickie boon


Bacashiua (prospect)

The good news is, the team has promised to rebate ten dollars per seat for the games THEY WON’T EVEN GET TO PLAY BECAUSE THEY GOT FREAKING BEAT BY THE FREAKING DUCKS!


42 Responses to I've Decided Not to Kill Myself…

  1. DG says:

    Well, nice to see you vent your frustrations, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to press the panic button on the Dallas Stars just yet.

    Mike Modano, the team’s heart and soul (and also a player I have a problem picturing playing elsewhere) is still doing great, and arguably the team’s as good as it has been before. It’s quite possible that they underestimated the Anaheim Mighty Ducks and are paying dearly for it. Besides, the Stars are not done yet.

    I think Dallas has at least a few more years left before they blow anything up. It may be harder without Tom Hicks’ money (apparently he’s selling the team) and with the Collective Bargaining Agreement negotiations probably killing two, if not more, seasons, but I’m not counting out Dallas just yet.


  2. bdeppe says:


    That is a great way to look at things. I hope you don’t renew your tickets so a REAL fan can buy your tickets!! To tell you the truth, I did feel sick watching ALL these games, but it’s not over until it’s over. You pay those prices for a great team and granted they are not going to win the cup every year, but atleast they are in the playoffs this year. If you are a fan of all Dallas teams you would know that the Stars are the only team in town to post a winning records against winning teams this season. The Mavs might be the first team to blow a 3-0 lead and lose a game when winning by 30 ( the Lakers inDec).

    As for Hicks selling the team, he did say he might keep a majority instrest in the team. Things could be worst, Jerry Jones could own the Stars!!!

    PS – I’m a season ticket holder also and was not happy about the price increase, but atleast you did not have to pay the first rounf price the Wings anf Leaf fan has too

  3. flyersruleclarkstillsucks says:

    1 2 3 4 5 6ers 10 9 8 76ers!!!

  4. amok says:

    Take solace in knowing the Stars made it one round further than the Wings, Avalanche, Leafs and Blues combined. Besides… it’s not over yet. It’s not like the Ducks are playing unbeatable hockey. Just solve Giguere and it’s over.

  5. MODANOSTAR says:

    Easy fella. I am a little worried and disgusted too, but you gotta have a little faith. What i try to do is look at the stats. The ducks this season in I think 5 meetings with the stars, only won once. That means the stars beat them 4 times, and right now they only have to beat them 3 more times. Translation, It CAN BE DONE. Also vancouver came back from a 3-1 deficit. Sure I may be wisful thinking, but you gotta stick with your team through the good and the bad.

    I do agree with a few of your roster moves though, I would move matty and turgeon, just not pulling their weight you know. I think matty could use a change and i think he would be pretty attractive on the market, and maybe fetch a decent return. anway, GO STARS GO. YOU CAN DO IT!

  6. Wings4life says:


  7. Wings4life says:

    well your going to hear this a lot in the 2nd round when the Pistons beat you guys… DONG DONG DONG thats Ben Wallaces little thing when he gots a block shot or somthing.. GO PISTONS!!

  8. Flyers_01 says:

    You’re team isn’t as bad as your making them out to be. To be honest, if not for Giguere the Stars should be winning. Giguere is having one of those Disney made for TV movie postseasons.

    I agree with you on Turgeon, Muller, and possibly Young but that’s it. From reading other posts on this board it seems like the best acquisition any team can make via FA this year is the speedster Marchant.

  9. aaron says:

    Hehe, 4000 dollars? That’s your fault man. :p

  10. starsgirl25 says:

    Dude don’t panic yet. and you’re ideas are a littel out there that would leave teh team with not a lot.

    1.u don’t trade a person like sergei zubov!!!!!!!!!!!! unless you are really dillusional and are mistaking him for some other guy. he’s teh stars’ best defenseman, with hatcher at 2nd.

    2. you never trade a team’s franchise player, esp. one withthe talent of mike modano. he’s such a great player. just because he hasn’t had all the beautiful scoring chances this round, doesn’t mean trade him. without mike modano, the team is nothing.

    3. turco is a huge part of the backbone of this team. you trade him, it’s like you’re asking for the 2001-2002 season all over again. and there is no way in hell that teh ducks are going to let guigere go, they’ve seen what he’s brought to their table and they like it and are asking for a second course.

    4. guerin will stay, too vaubable and too damn good.

    and a little side note, who ever belived that his deep thigh contusionn would calcify, needs to re think some of that. there is no way that a MUSCLE can become calcified. only BONE can calcify, thus the reason why we drink milk and dairy products to make our bones stronger b/c they need calcium.

    5. what about dahlen?

    6. turgeon will probably stay, so just quit your whining.

    7. i like muller, but he wil probably retire this summer.

    wow so the team gets to keep all but $10 dollars and how much did you pay them for the seats? sucker!!!!

  11. rrudd says:

    i might be willing to consider signing hap day or lyle conacher as well.

  12. titans says:

    Sorry, you can’t have Kapanen, were keepin him!

  13. calflyers says:

    i think he means “Niko”

  14. MantaRay says:

    Where is Rushing? I would like to get his take on all this!

  15. titans says:

    Oh…yea that would make more sence wouldn’t it. Duh!


  16. burky says:

    Man, the Western Final will be a cakewalk for us this year.

    Go Canucks!

  17. Lint07 says:

    …So said Dallas when Detroit go beaten by the ”Pathetic Ducks”.

    Who’s laughin’ now??

  18. WeStSiDe says:

    Dallas stars are going to be screwed if there is a cap, or when their big guns get old.. They have very little youth comming up, I think they are ranked last in the league.

  19. Leaf_Expert says:


  20. amok says:

    Surely you must be able to get your money back for the tickets spent. You probably won’t get the Ticketbastard surcharges (which themselves are a small fortune) but there’s no way the team can refuse to give you your money back for tickets on games that weren’t played..

    A few years ago I got a cash refund (minus Ticketbastard surcharges) for a Canucks’ game that never materialized.

  21. JeffBurnz09 says:

    This article isnt ment to be serious, right? I mean, I’m as frustracted as any other Stars fan, but any plans for the off season which include trading Modano have to be a joke.

    I’ve been very let down by this team. I honestly don’t think the Ducks are beating Dallas, as much as Dallas are beating themselves. Or the refs are. This series, should at the very least be tied 2-2. If it wasnt for bad calls and lucky breaks at the right time for Anaheim, this is a differant series. Let’s give them game 1, since I think the Ducks did deserve that one. But game 2? Their first goal was on their 2ND 5-3 in 3 minutes, and the call was not a good call at all. They’re 2nd goal was a total fluke off a skate. Sure, the OT goal was a good goal, but without a powerplay goal they shouldnt of had, and a fluke goal, they don’t make over time. Game 3, Dallas wins. Game 4 should at least be an Overtime game. Both goalies played great, and it’s a shame that Anaheim won on a BS call like the one on Arnott. They penaltys were on Anaheim and 3 on Dallas with 6 minutes to go. Shockingly, they ended the game with 5 each. Imagine that. The TWO calls on Arnott are not calls you make in a 0-0 game, must win for one team, with 5 minutes to go. It was Bullshit.

    So don’t get down on Dallas right now. Bad calls, bad luck, and bad play havent helped them, but they’re still an awsome team. They havent played as well as they should have, Guerin is a big loss for them (he’s back, but hes not really back) and its most likely that Dallas doesnt win this series. But isnt it nice to know we have a team that’s able to come back from 3-1? If the Canucks and Wild can come back, why not Dallas?

    Just while I’m talking here…Does anyone else have a problem with the even up the calls thing the refs do? I mean, if one team committs 5 penaltys, why should the other team get 5 called on them, just to be fair? If your being fair, you call what you need to call when you see it, no matter what team they’re on. If the end results in 10 powerplays to 3, fine, thats the game. AND….if its 5 minutes to go in the 3rd, and as a ref you realize you called more on Anaheim than Dallas, and want to even it up….arn’t you being 100% biased from that point on? Your LOOKING for things to call on Dallas? You want to make a call on Dallas, so your watching them, trying to find any little thing you can put them in the box for. It just seems like admitting you don’t do your job. Its not just Dallas either.

    Anyone see the “even up” call the Canucks go lastnight against the Wild to tie the game? Total Bullshit call just because the Canucks had a man in the box. Or how about how the Wild got to this round in the first place? Colorado goes up 2-1 very late in the 3rd on a powerplay. So, they go and give the Wild one, just to be “fair”.

  22. aaron says:

    It depends. If they call an even up b/c the call they made on the first team was bullsh*t and they realize it afterward, that’s ok, if they call it immeadiately to nullify the PP. It depends on the situation, really. I’d have to see the specific instance.

  23. aaron says:

    Oh, and I think the plan to “Acquire the ghost of Dickie Boon off waivers” pretty much shoots down any chance of the article being serious. :p

  24. amok says:

    Good to see some Stars fans keeping the faith. Vancouver and Minnesota both rallied against very good teams. No reason the Stars can’t against the Ducks. I just hope Anaheim wins. I don’t want the Canucks meeting Dallas next round.

  25. amok says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with your point about how just because one team has more penalties than the other team that the refs shouldn’t go looking for even up calls.

    However, I think the reason Zyuzin got that penalty against the Canucks was that the ref realized the call on Bertuzzi was a pathetic call and the even up was so the first idiotic penalty wouldn’t decide the game. The whistle blew so late after the Canucks had possession that you’d need Michael J. Fox and a DeLorean to go back in time to find where the infraction occurred.

  26. Rushing says:

    I”m losing faith in you fast rrud. And boy do I mean fast. I really thought you were a true Stars fan. Not only did they dismantle the 2002 Stanley Cup Champions with a 4-0 defeat of the first round but it is now 3-2. I’m not a huge Hatcher fan but……he has done pretty damn good this year. Mo has done outstanding. Young did great the second half. Arnott did great at the end of the year. Turgeon had an injury at the end of the year. Turco set’s a MODERN DAY RECORD and is still doing outstanding. Two of the goals against him this series were knocked in by his own teammates. BTW, I know one of those helped us lose a game. Giggy wasn’t great in regular season and now he looks pretty good and all of a sudden you want to trade goalies?

    What a true fan you are.

  27. mikster says:

    Man, what the hell was this?

    No reason to buy out Turgeon’s contract at $6M, it’s to big for the owner to hand out in a day.

    Giguere has had his FIRST good season of HIS CAREER!!!! I would not even trade for this guy, not even a swap, no nothing. He is in his late 20’s, and has yet to prove tons more than just a good year.

    Why let Hatcher go? He is like the Scott Stevens of the West (sorta). With that size and strength, you’re only weakening your defesne and getting rid of a player that clears opponents around his net.

    Arnott for Walz i’d do any day, but the Wild don’t want/need Arnott. Never liked the guy, even when he was in Edmonton, he was never much. Lagenbrunner should have been kept.

    You’re giving old legs for Havlat? Man, what were you smoking when writing this? Havlat is not going anywhere. IN YOUR DREAMS!!!!

    Guerin had a so-so season with the Stars, as if that was a surprise? He’s got five years, let him become a Star.

    Muller will retire after this post-season anyway. You should not ask a future Hall of Famer to reitre, it’s disrespectful and class-less.

    So basically you are willing to spend all that money to get rid of a great team and to just have a lame junior hockey club with a couple of pros?

    Lay off the crack mannnn….!!!!!!

  28. Rushing says:

    I was at the second game. Mo was physically tackled by a Duck when we had the puck at their end of the ice. No whistle what so ever. I recorded the game and came home and watched that play again and it was clearly what should have been called. I don’t want to hear how it was OT and they don’t call penalties in OT ’cause the Ducks got called for one in the first game. The penalties went 6-2 in favor of Dallas with the 6 against them the 2nd game. There was hooking left and right that the Refs evidently closed their eyes each time.

    Today, again the penalties were unbalanced and again MO was taken down, Dahlen tripped…..but hey, guess who was there? Frazier…….he has “NEVER” called an even game for Dallas to my recollection.

  29. rrudd says:


    i thought that suggesting we trade modano (a top 5 player in the league), and acquiring the ghost of a dead guy made it clear that i was kidding.


    i don’t honestly believe that the stinking ghost of dickie boon is better than sergei zubov!

    i’m ticked and sad and disappointed. i wrote a stupid article to calm myself down. i’ll be OK. i’ll get my money back.

    why don’t you all yell at mikster for posting stupid crap like this instead of ragging me for writing it.

  30. Rushing says:

    Nope, can’t do it.

    You have to send me any tickets you have. 🙂

  31. jon95616 says:

    Canucks are screwed…Either Giguere or Turco will easily outplay crappy Cloutier.

  32. cgolding says:

    giggy been very good for a couple years… he simply has proved it for the first time in the playoffs… very nice fantasy goalie past few times around.

  33. WLFHCommishJava says:

    normally, i just read the site, but when i saw this, i had to comment. This has to be if not the most stupid thing i have ever read. Now im a stars fan going back to the North Stars days. now im for rebuilding, i called for it last year. But you have to be commited to it and not do it half assed like the isles did.

    why trade turco? especially for giguere. yeah hes having a good playoffs, but that doesnt warrent trading your starter for him.

    tugnutt, get rid of his ass.

    Young, Zubov, Sydor, and Lemieux will NOT fet you havlat. nor would i offer that. IF you are trading zubov, then get a point man. young is too inconsistant and aging and syd wouldn’t fit ottawa. and ottawa is not that brain dead to let him go for aging vets.

    arnott, i criticized for the loss, but in reality it was another F game performance by the refs. Arnott is usefull in front of the net.

    Hatch you resign immediately. hes the leader of the team, like it or not, he is the team leader. you don’t let him go for nothing with out getting something in return.

    why ask muller to retire, let him retire when he wants to.

    keep guerin, when healthy hes good for the team.

    turgeon, get rid of him, hes been a no-go since joining the stars.

    matvichuk you can make a case for trading, the jury is out there.

    but all in all, theres no reason to dismantle this team right now. You can’t do it right now. we don’t have any top end players to do so, that i blame on drafting bums and scrubs.

    morrow is a 2nd liner, maybe 1st liner at best but a 2nd liner. Kapanen, right now is a 3rd liner, 2nd liner at best. Malholtra is a 3rd/4th line player. Ott is a 3rd to 2nd liner. Erskine is 6th dman.

    if you are going to rebuild you better get some top end youngsters. Most teams are not going to give those type of players up. Especially for aging vets we have.

    before we jump on the panic button, we’re facing a hot goalie. todays 4-1 win was an example of what happens when your goalie is sub par.

  34. JeffBurnz09 says:

    Series isnt over yet. Both teams are at a must win in game 6. The Ducks have to finish Dallas off tomorrow night, because they will not win game 7 in Dallas.

    Actually, yesterday was the first time the real Dallas Stars showed up this series, and The Ducks couldnt handle them. IF Dallas keeps it up, and plays like the team we saw yesterday, finish every hit and go hard to the net, than its the Ducks that are screwed.

  35. DalStars3109 says:

    Just think things could be a lot worse. The Stars could have Jerry Jones as the owner and knowing Jerry he probably would’ve gotten rid of Mike Modano like he did with the great coach as in Tom Landry and then let respectable and class acts such as Troy and Emmitt go……who were there and kept the organization respectable. Now that Tom Hicks isn’t going to sell the team which makes it even better for the Stars organization now we can resign Hatcher and maybe some other UFA, but not those high profiles UFA’s.

    Yes at one time I wanted Lemiux on the Stars, but after his lack luster performance since joining the Stars I do agree he needs to go. As for Muller don’t let him go he is a leader and a grinder on the ice. He has been great since joining the organization. You never trade/release your franchise player unless there is no hope at all for the team that he plays on i.e….Ray Bourque where he got a chance and then completed his quest of the cup with the AVS. Turgeon has been a disappointment since joining the Stars, but however this year he has been more productive than last. Mo (Morrow) is a hard charging gritty grinder that has a lot more potential in him. I see him someday possibly taking over either Hatchers or Mo’s Captain and Assistant and with him being the son-in-law of Guy he will get even better with a great hockey players of all time (one of them) giving lil-mo guidance. With some of our youngsters as Niko and the Manny they will continue getting better with some of the experienced players that we have. As for Jere enough said one of the most underrated forwards in the NHL.

    Now with the disappointment of the Stars play so far *not counting yesterday* in this series. If you think this is bad….Try living thru a miserable 1-15 season that the cowboys went thru….try having your basketball team just get thru where the barely got enough wins to prevent them having the worst season in NBA history…try having a baseball team that has only won maybe 2 or 3 division titles in their some 20 + years of existence, but yet only to manage to get maybe 2 or 3 wins in the playoffs. So all in all……..The Stars have been the most consistent team in the DFW metroplex in the past 10 years here. I am not saying that I am sticking with the Stars because of their record, but that is one of them, but however I have been thru the ups and downs of each organization will stick with my teams…Stars, Cowboys, Mavericks, and Rangers….So right now 2 out of the 4 teams isn’t bad here. Just think the Stars could be like the Rangers and spent millions for what? Early tee times in the spring and beginning of the summer? So before you go and think about those tendencies and dismantling the team…the Stars are looking great.

  36. mikster says:

    Hmm, this was his first good winning season though.

  37. gladiator says:

    The Dallas Stars are done. They’ll get Giguered in Game 6.

  38. JStatic87 says:

    If you didn’t get it, he was joking on most of those.

    Read up on Bill Guerin’s leg, the reason it was so serious is that the thigh muscle can calcify if you get a very deep bruise in the right spot. That is why Cam Neely, arguably the greatest power forward ever, retired.

  39. JeffBurnz09 says:

    How come suddenly everyone’s a Duck fan? Jesus, I rarely hear anyone even mention the Ducks, and now they knock off Detroit, and get Dallas down 3-2 and they’re the team to beat! Giguere is the greatest goalie to play the game, The Ducks are a power house team, and the #1 seed in the west, The Dallas Stars, who’s roster includes some of the hottest goal scorers in the league, are suddenly underdogs who can’t beat the all mighty Ducks.

    Its easy to say The Ducks are deffinately going to win when they go up 3-1. How many people were huge Duck believers before they beat Detroit? How many people knew they’d beat Dallas before they went up 3-1? well its 3-2, and if Dallas can do it again tomorrow, The Ducks are toast in game 7.

    I just find it funny how everyone is praising the Ducks. Turco has the best GAA in modern time, but its Giguere that’s the best ever. And The Ducks, a 7th seed that no one has cared about in years, are suddenly beloved and favored by all.

    Lets just see how many people are talking about the Ducks when they miss the playoffs next year.

  40. DalStars3109 says:

    Jeff I couldn’t have agree with you more..All I heard was the Wings were going stomp all over them and then all fo the sudden the Ducks achieve a miracle and then that just opened up the flood gates for all of those bandwagnors. I do remember correctly that before the playoffs started alot of people were counting the ducks out already and now that they see the flag at the Duck Bangwagoner Camp everyone is hopping aboard.

  41. flyersruleclarkstillsucks says:

    chancey billups scoring days are over, and so are the playoff days of the pistons. how are they going to stop A.I., there’s only so much ben wallace can do, the pistons are a bad rebounding team with wallace, kenny thomas will do a much better job on the boards against wallace then that stiff drew gooden did. 76ers in 6!!! LET’S GO SIXERS!

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