I've Decided Not to Kill Myself…

…but I’m ready to dismantle the Stars. I spend a buttload on that team each year, including the $4000 i just ponied up for the next two rounds THAT I WON’T EVEN FRIGGIN’ GET TO WATCH!So, here’s my plan to build a new Dallas Stars team.

1. Pierre turgeon has a no-trade. Nobody would want his sorry game anyway. cut him and eat the $6 million.

2. Modano AND Turco might fetch us J.S. Giguere. we’ll throw in Tugnutt and pay his salary as well. Cut him if you want.

3. Hatcher’s a UFA. enjoy the Rangers, big boy.

4. Arnott and his stupid-penalty-getting tendencies PLUS Richard Matvichuk and his tired act might get you one Wes Walz. We’ll cover the salary differential.

5. Martin Havlat for Scott Young, Claude Lemieux, Sergei Zubov, and Darryl Sydor. We’ll cover the salary differential.

6. Bloody-leg Bill Guerin for the rights to negotiate with Cam Neely. or BOBBY Hull. Take your pick.

7. Ask Muller to retire.

8. Acquire the ghost of Dickie Boon off waivers.

so, my new lineup is as follows:



Ott-Malhotra-The rights to negotiate with Neely

Mietennen (prospect)-Lundqvist (prospect)-Di Maio


Macmillan (prospect)-Daley (prospect)

Vagner (prospect)-The ghost of Dickie boon


Bacashiua (prospect)

The good news is, the team has promised to rebate ten dollars per seat for the games THEY WON’T EVEN GET TO PLAY BECAUSE THEY GOT FREAKING BEAT BY THE FREAKING DUCKS!