Philosophical Questions inspired by the Avs – Kings

Hello, class. please answer the following questions as quickly and honestly as you can. I know they were inspired by a game that was essentially meaningless, but that’s a good time to let a twisted imagination (such as mine – and yours – I see what you’re doing – put that down and pay attention) run amok and unfettered. Here goes:

1.) Am I the only that has noticed that Andy Murray looks like an unholy cross between David Caruso (CSI) and Willem Dafoe (Platoon, Spider man).

2.) Why on earth would you start an actual French (as in France) goalie? Isn’t it their nature to run AWAY from flying objects, and rely on other people to stop them? His nationality was betrayed by his style – he played goal just like that french icon – Jerry Lewis.

3.) Back to Andy Murray – do you think he is cursed with that extra gene that some hockey individuals are born with that causes uncontrolled incessant yapping? Perhaps we should hold a telethon for those so afflicted – with “Where are they now?” rap stars like M.C. Hammer and Luther Campbell – “Rappers for Yappers”. Help save Mike Ricci, Brendan Shanahan, Jeremy Roenick, and Glen Sather (to name but a few).

4.) Is “Bates Battaglia” the best name in hockey since “Tony Twist”? Can that name get him a shot on ‘The Sopranos?” Does he not look like Peter DeLuise for “21 Jump Street?” Am I dating myself with that reference?

5.) Is Scott Parker the best fighter in the league now? If not, who is and why? (Essay question).

6.) How does Ziggy skate so well with all that flab around his middle?

7.) Last question – why such a dearth of Avs information / discussion on HTR? Jealousy because so many of you support moribund (look it up) franchises? East coast bias? Resentment from disgruntled Nordiques fans?

Bonus question – Why does Ric Tocchet in a suit look like he’s appearing before a parole board.

I await your sagaciously thought-provoking replies. I’m sure they will be redolent with mirth and keenly insightful, as they always are (hey Momo – that was sarcasm…)