Philosophical Questions inspired by the Avs – Kings

Hello, class. please answer the following questions as quickly and honestly as you can. I know they were inspired by a game that was essentially meaningless, but that’s a good time to let a twisted imagination (such as mine – and yours – I see what you’re doing – put that down and pay attention) run amok and unfettered. Here goes:

1.) Am I the only that has noticed that Andy Murray looks like an unholy cross between David Caruso (CSI) and Willem Dafoe (Platoon, Spider man).

2.) Why on earth would you start an actual French (as in France) goalie? Isn’t it their nature to run AWAY from flying objects, and rely on other people to stop them? His nationality was betrayed by his style – he played goal just like that french icon – Jerry Lewis.

3.) Back to Andy Murray – do you think he is cursed with that extra gene that some hockey individuals are born with that causes uncontrolled incessant yapping? Perhaps we should hold a telethon for those so afflicted – with “Where are they now?” rap stars like M.C. Hammer and Luther Campbell – “Rappers for Yappers”. Help save Mike Ricci, Brendan Shanahan, Jeremy Roenick, and Glen Sather (to name but a few).

4.) Is “Bates Battaglia” the best name in hockey since “Tony Twist”? Can that name get him a shot on ‘The Sopranos?” Does he not look like Peter DeLuise for “21 Jump Street?” Am I dating myself with that reference?

5.) Is Scott Parker the best fighter in the league now? If not, who is and why? (Essay question).

6.) How does Ziggy skate so well with all that flab around his middle?

7.) Last question – why such a dearth of Avs information / discussion on HTR? Jealousy because so many of you support moribund (look it up) franchises? East coast bias? Resentment from disgruntled Nordiques fans?

Bonus question – Why does Ric Tocchet in a suit look like he’s appearing before a parole board.

I await your sagaciously thought-provoking replies. I’m sure they will be redolent with mirth and keenly insightful, as they always are (hey Momo – that was sarcasm…)

60 Responses to Philosophical Questions inspired by the Avs – Kings

  1. defenestrate says:

    It’s your advanced age catching up with you. Wait until someone posts something really nonsensical, and we’ll both blindside them – then you’ll feel better.

    Look on the bright side – your goalie hasn’t been arrested or thrown up on any cops this year. I was really afraid of that, because the beer really is better up there.

    Ha! I got it in! We’re back to business as usual!

  2. defenestrate says:

    I think that’s both the blessing and the problem. Unlike fans of certain other teams, who are well-represented here but shall remain anonymous, we really don’t have that much to complain about or make excuses for.

  3. defenestrate says:

    Gosh, that was a great post! The author was witty and urbane while avoiding pithiness, and I found his “left-field” approach refreshing. I can’t wait for his next missive…

    Remember – “Only left-handed people are in their right minds”.

  4. big_booty says:

    While I am dating myself (and I have no problem doing so), I appreciate the compliments.

    And believe me, this won’t be the first post which results in an outburst of laughter.

    Please keep working that angle. I keep dreaming of what Forsberg could have done with LeClair on his wing, and how Neil Smith would have handled Bonnie and Carl.

  5. big_booty says:

    You sound like Bertuzzi. Knock it off.

  6. defenestrate says:

    Too many episodes of OZ, and cabin fever from the $#%@in snow..

  7. bubbakazoo says:

    You are a fucking prick.

  8. defenestrate says:

    Now see – people (and I use the term inordinately loosely, in your case) like you are the reason I started posting on here in the first place. The minute you’re required to say anything remotely resembling intelligibility, much less profundity, you fall back on your grade-school “dirty words”. I was a Marine for six years – I can curse too. But I don’t feel the need to. It’s people like you that give whatever team you purport to be affiliated with a bad name. And you’re pervasive – you always seem to be sitting near me at games, especially lacrosse ones.

    And, if I was a cocksucker, I wouldn’t bother with yours – I don’t collect miniatures…..

  9. DaAvs says:

    Wow a fan club. Meetings will be on Friday. They’re will be cookies and punch.

    Nice to see someone likes me, shockingly a Detriot fan.

    On the matter of the post…Murray reminds me of someone but can’t put a nose on it. And I don’t watch either of those shows to know.

    Parker is a great fighter, he had a great fight against Simon. Main thing I think he doesn’t go all out in some of his fights. Glad to see him become more of a grinder. The reason for lack of intrest in the Avs is, people know how they’ll it’s not a topic for debate. I.E. not a lot of Detriot articles. If the Avs kept going like they started out, I think we’d have an incredible amount of submissions here. As well I think we got a lot of fans from the same teams…Philly, NY, Toronto…

  10. defenestrate says:

    There you are. Having been compared unfavorably to you, it’s nice to know you exist. You’re right – we have less to complain about with the Avs then a lot of these other people do.

    I still like yankin’ their chains, though….

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