Shhh! The Government Is Listening

That’s right – I’m baaaaaacccckkkk…….just like your “rash” down there, I keep returning.

First off, having just watched the Canucks / Wild game, I have to ask – I’ve misplaced my translation dictionary – does “Cloutier” mean “sieve” in French?

Now, to the heart of the matter – I keep seeing miniature Oliver Stone “conspiracy theorists” in abundance on this site. The gist of their nattering seems to be that the refs are somehow being “paid off”, or that the playoffs are somehow being influenced by that mysterious but ubiquitous “THEM”, so that there will not be either a “small market” and / or a Canadian team in the playoffs.

There is only one appropriate response to this, as voiced by my late great-grandfather:

HORSE APPLES! MEADOW MUFFINS! Etc.

Assuming that “they” want American teams, they would, for ratings and revenue purposes, want a “big market” team.

Let’s see – nope, they’re all gone. And, one would think, “they” would want a fast-paced, exciting Cup final to bring in those “marginal” fans.

Of the five teams currently left, three clog up the neutral zone worse than Oprah’s arteries after a late-night Popeye’s run. Not exactly 80’s Oilers vs. Islanders…

Now, allegedly, Disney is paying megabucks to put the Ducks over. So, who is paying for the Wild? The Dairy Farmer’s Association? How about New Jersey? The LOOLOO (Loyal Order Of Landfill Owner-Operators)? And the Canucks? The Special Olympics Foundation? Who the %$#@ is paying for Ottawa? They’re BROKE!

A side note on Ottawa – while I’m amused at the almost-roller-hockey-quality sweaters, I’m still pondering the Roman connection. “Friends, Romans, countrymen – lend me – everything you have!” Perhaps they spent their uniform budget on Lalime’s mask…

There’s no shame in being bankrupt – plenty of people I know are morally bankrupt…

Trust me on this one – if “THEY” were fixing this thing, Mikster’s precious freakin’ Rangers would be in the finals – probably against Philadelphia ( which is to New York what Vanilla Ice is to Eminem – they’re both annoying, but on vastly different levels).

In the West, Detroit and Chicago – nothing says “I love you” like burning down your city and going on a crack binge after a Cup win.

So here’s your chance – stop listening to Art Bell while simultaneously watching “The Pet Psychic” and convince me that “THEY” are “fixing” the playoffs. Creativity without vulgarity is rewarded. Cwhockey won the “government cheese” last time. Up for grabs this time – nude phots of Ernest Borgnine and Bea Arthur, with the cutest little chihuahua this side of the “Yo Quiero” dog!

You know, if there is a conspiracy, and you’re aware of it, I wouldn’t go advertising it on here. “THEY” are probably monitoring every keystroke you make.

In fact, one of “US” may be one of “THEM”. I may not be a 16 year-old Ethiopian girl, as I have previously alluded to. I may be a government agent. You know how I love my acronyms….

CTP – FSTA – FUBAR – LMOCAO…

Defenestrate