Slapshot Part III, Starring HTR Members

Time to drag out my favorite old “Strange Happenings” category again…..

I have a side bet with two people that this post will never see the light of day……..

Let’s take a few moments and do something that we may become all too familiar with if the impending CBA lockout becomes a grim reality. Yes, it’s time to once again tackle a topic that is only marginally related to the NHL. But it’s only fair, since I read all of those damn “Christmas Carol” posts and refrained from participating.

We all know that we paint certain images in our minds of what other people out here in “cyberland” are really like, much as we form our own images of characters when we read a book (yes, a book – pages, printing press, that sort of thing). These images are invariably spoiled for us when the movie is made.

So – in this scenario, you have the script for the original “Slapshot” in front of you. You will cast it with people from HTR, based on your perceptions of them from your interactions in our little global village. Simple enough. No outright vindictiveness, unless it is exceedingly well-disguised.

Reg Dunlop – I’m afraid I have to take this one myself, due to my advanced age, lack of ability to keep up with you kids, and propensity to mess with people’s heads for obscure reasons.

Ned Braden – I have to nominate Cwthrash for this one, with Lint07 as a runner-up. Both of them stand out as the intellegentsia on this site. (You too, Primis).

The Hanson Brothers – My all-time favorite hockey characters…but just a wee bit “out there”. Let’s go with Matteo, Rampage Winger, and Titans.

Our French-Canadian goalie, Denis LemieuxOld Nord. No other choice.

The perpetually priapic, foul-mouthed defensemen whose name escapes me at the moment – Everyone on this site under the age of majority who still considers swearing “cool”, or thinks that people who use multi-syllabic words are “gay”. That’s right, kids – fear what you don’t understand.

Dickie Dunn – The Mikster himself. “If Dickie Dunn wrote it, it must be true”.

HanrahanAmericasteamRedWings. ‘Nuff said.

Ogie Ogilthorpe – You know I’ve reached a peaceful accord with you, but I have to nominate you, Expert. Take it as a compliment that you’re so notorious.

Tim “Dr. Hook” McCracken – No choice here. The Big Booty himself.

Rink announcerStarsgirl25, no doubt (B.U!).

Dave “Killer” Carlson – I am far too politically correct to say. “Dave’s a killer”; “Dave’s a mess”.

Next – we recast “Youngblood”! Although I think “Full Metal Jacket” would be much more fun….

D-Strate


87 Responses to Slapshot Part III, Starring HTR Members

  1. defenestrate says:

    You have to filter it through bread first – like Sterno. Don’t you crackers know anything?

  2. defenestrate says:

    “Ogiltorp!”

  3. DirtySanchez says:

    Just changed jobs and was very busy, even for my mindless ramblings on HTR.

  4. DirtySanchez says:

    I am just joking. I am also French Canadian from central Manitoba and grew up in toronto. My Grandmother is Algonquin (Cree).

  5. defenestrate says:

    I hope the new one is more fullfilling and / or financially rewarding for you.

  6. defenestrate says:

    I’m joking, too. You have to use day-old bread.

    Thank you, Columbus, for those smallpox-infested blankets.

  7. Leaf_Expert says:

    D,

    Are you trying to say, “for the sake of HTR I should be thrown out!”

    (I know how much you like quotes, so…)

    P.S. If we do a “hockey legends” script. I’d definetly like to be a more realistic role in being Ken Dryden….

  8. DohCanada says:

    I guess I’m not enough of a regular to get a role in this movie… that’s OK, I fancy myself more as a ‘guest star’.

    Anyway, I just wanted to sign up to be the guy who hunts down and kills everybody involved in the creation of the awful, pathetic and horrible sequel to the best sports movie ever made. You’re all welcome to help out!

  9. Donovan says:

    Maybe’s its just a coincidence I wore my Syracuse Bulldogs jersey yesterday. Maybe its something deeper………

  10. defenestrate says:

    No, sir – I’m just saying you’re not as fearsome as the legend that precedes you, although you are quite well-known.

    “Ogilthorpe? I thought he was in jail!”

  11. defenestrate says:

    Hear, hear! We could turn it into “Deliverance Part II”.

  12. defenestrate says:

    Hear, hear! Death to the infidels!

    You can guest-star as “The guy with the great screen name”.

  13. DohCanada says:

    Exxcelllennnt! Featuring music by ‘The Moe Syzslak Experience’!

  14. starsgirl25 says:

    heheeh oh this is one of the best posts of late

    thank you d-strate

    B.U. rules!!!!!!!!!

    who would play lily? she was kinda funny and crazy

  15. DohCanada says:

    …um, yeah, and the Baldwin guy could instead be the guy with ‘the purdy mouth’.

  16. DirtySanchez says:

    Why do all the guys keep referring to you as the mullet? I don’t get it and nobody will explain it to me?

  17. DirtySanchez says:

    Thanks I hope so too. I have wondered what it was that you do.

  18. starsgirl25 says:

    irish, german, english, russian, and cherokee

    chances are i could hold my drinks well, haven’t tested that theory yet

  19. matteo says:

    So feel free to eat some balls DirtySanchez. I have no idea who you were, nor do I care in the least.

  20. matteo says:

    Squeal like a pig Baldwin ……..rrhheeeee rheeeeee

  21. matteo says:

    I like this guy already

  22. Donovan says:

    I used to have hair that people thought was a mullet. It wasn’t though. More like Kevin Costner hair, or Gene Wilder hair.

  23. DirtySanchez says:

    Thank you Tatoo, you are the exact piece of excrement I was looking for……………….

  24. DirtySanchez says:

    Ok cool. i thought there was more to it that’s all and it was driving me nuts. Thanks

  25. Donovan says:

    Another thing, I got it cut real short over the summer, but since then its started growing into a natural mullet. Kinda funny

  26. trailerparkboys says:

    “OLD TIME HOCKEY”

    Bubbles out

  27. defenestrate says:

    Again, given the (allegedly) overwhelmingly masculine nature of our membership, I am too polite to say.

    If “Scotty” were still here, though, you’d have your answer…..

  28. defenestrate says:

    There’s a future for you in beer commericals, young man…..

  29. defenestrate says:

    He would have had a great future in “you-know-what” – the late, great, _ _ _ _.

  30. defenestrate says:

    Maintenance Operations – a bit of bossing, a lot of typing, and some research. 10 hours a day, 4 days a week. Many years of seniority gives you some “perks” (Fri. – Sat. – Sun off).

  31. cwthrash says:

    Does that include me being a bastard to an attractive woman as well as being a gambling fool? I could answer that but I’ll refrain in the name of good taste (if that is indeed a concept that actually exists).

    And why not recast both? Guaranteed for a laugh with one, a bigger laugh with the two. Put me in mind that might work with one of my very favorites, “The Great Escape”. But with this crew, “Spaceballs” might be the more approriate choice. Not exactly hockey related, but I don’t know if we’re to the point where we could try it with “Mystery Alaska”.

  32. Brigand says:

    “I’m personally placing a bounty of $100 on the head of [Rampage_Winger]” until he’s seen the film.

    I agree with matteo – we need to see a book report to confirm that this wrong has been amended.

    By the way, for the few who don’t know, all the Slapshot shirts and stuff you could want:

    http://www.slap-shot.com/

  33. matteo says:

    That is why you are always up all those asses….looking for excrement…..I think you are just trying to rationalize your homosexual tendencies.

    PS – Herve’ Vilachez whas a bad ass little midget. He used to get loaded and beat the hell out of his women. He was no man to be messed with.

  34. matteo says:

    Viva La _ _ _!!!!!!!!!!

    We shall rise again like the great phoenix from the ashes…..

  35. matteo says:

    My name’s Expert…….Leaf Expert…….(whip) (whip)

  36. Donovan says:

    Once I was in New Mexico and we were ‘touring’ a old Anazasi(?) cave dwelling. Well knowing me, I started making Indian jokes. One of the other guys on the tour was an Indian and he was laughing his ass off. Everyone else was offended except for the Indian. People are too PC. Here’s my best joke, he almost died.

    How do you sit Indian style?

    Grab a bottle and lay in the street

    The tour guide asked me to stop. Later some idiot couple from Jersey came up to be a bitched about me setting a bad example for their son.

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