So if they can't play hockey than what should our favorite players be doing?

The NHL has locked out our beloved NHLers. Poor poor players might soon need to collect food stamps, beg on some dingy Ottawa street corner, or gasp…GET A JOB!!

O.K. not many NHLers are gonna be starving anytime soon, but what if…

What if NHL players had to get jobs? Here are a few ideas compiled be myself and a very creative member 19Yzerman.

Tie Domi—agression management counselor.

Eric Lindros—gay nightclub bouncer

Mathew Barnaby—the guy who changes the urinal cakes

Theo Fluery –Substance abuse counselor

Patrick Roy— Neck mobility therapist

Brett Hull—- Annoying spokes person for those miller for president of beers commercials

Donald Brashier–pianist at the night club where lindros and Barnaby work.

Chris Chelios and Rob Blake are going to try out for Starsky and Hutch part 2.

Fedorov still suffering from ANNA Deprivation Syndrome will be coaching high school girls tennis in L.A.

Peter Worel–Has taken a job with the John Wayne toilet paper company because they are both Rough, Tough and don’t take no S H I T off of nobody.

Mike Ricci—Ski instructor at VAIL for select female clientel

Anson Carter– intends to open a shop on Rodeo Drive doing hair braides for Hollywood Stars.

Please add your own ideas on what your favorite players would be doing if they had to get a real job!!

36 Responses to So if they can't play hockey than what should our favorite players be doing?

  1. Freeze says:

    Todd Bertuzzi – Anger Management Therapist

    Bob Probert – Member of the Vice Squad

    Mike Ricci – Cover of GQ Magazine

    Tie Domi – Church Bouncer

    Don Cherry – Political Correctness Advisor

    Gary Bettman – Hostage in Iraq facing beheading if the NHL and players union can not reach a new CBA within 72 hours.

    Bob Goodenow – Gary Bettman’s legal representative.

  2. Tweek says:

    Haha wow, I dont think it gets any more mature then this.

  3. hockeyhead says:

    i gotta stick with my original idea….

    mike ricci- mold for cigar store indian (native american)

    you know what….this is really getting lame. if the nhl saw what we were doing on a hockey web site…..they might get this thing resolved.

    next article…..who has the hottest wives…..let’s start with wayne gretzky and sean o’donnel (sp)

  4. cyeryk says:

    Martin Brodeur- Maririage Councelor

    Daryl Sutter (not a player, but oh well)- Speech therapist

    Mats Sundin- Soup Salesman…wait a minute….

    Mark Messier- Dentist

    Ryan Smyth- Barber

  5. big_booty says:

    Chris Chelios: furniture designer and builder, claims he and Todd Oldham are “just friends.”

    Peter Worrell: starring opposite Mark Wahlberg in Tim Burton’s remake of “Beneath the Planet of the Apes.”

    Robert Esche: now the opening act for Hank Williams, Jr. and the proud owner of his own truck driving school.

    Rob Blake: professional surfer dating whoever Kelly Slater dumps.

    Jeremy Roenick: Hummer salesman, also runs a sports handicapping website.

    Mats Sundin: new spokesman for Riccola cough drops.

    Anson Carter: Venus and Serena Williams’ “gimp.”

    Scott Stevens: Sommelier at French Laundry.

    Chris Pronger: just landed the starring role in “Napoleon Dynamite 2.”

    Rod Brind’Amour: Bernard Hopkins’ new sparring partner.

    zdeno Chara: starting power forward for the New Jersey Nets.

    Bryan McCabe: works the lost and found counter at Wal-Mart so he can feed his kids.

    Tomas Kaberle: stuffed into a crate under McCabe’s desk.

    Pat Quinn: leads an expedition searching for Kaberle.

  6. dyehard says:

    Jonas Hoglund:writing a book called “I missed”

    Eric Lindros:working in a day care with his mommy.

    Bryan Mccabe:starring in a new Pet Detective movie saying that his shoe laces were too tight when he had the 5 give aways against the Flyers & then he becomes crazy & becomes a woman cop.

  7. hockeyhead says:

    mike ribeiro- academy award winning actor.

    eddie belfour- olympic triathlete

    danny heatly- driving instructor (sorry)

  8. movingfire says:

    I like the McCabe crack….hilarious

  9. forever_flaming says:

    Todd Bertuzzi: Demolitions Expert

    Mike Riebeiro: Olympic Diver

  10. forever_flaming says:

    Todd Bertuzzi: Demolitions Expert

    Mike Riebeiro: Olympic Diver

  11. forever_flaming says:

    Todd Bertuzzi: Demolitions Expert

    Mike Riebeiro: Olympic Diver

  12. forever_flaming says:

    Martin St. Louis: the 8th dwarf

    Zdeno Chara: Chiropractor

    Tie Domi: Carni

  13. forever_flaming says:

    Martin St. Louis: the 8th dwarf

    Zdeno Chara: Chiropractor

    Tie Domi: Carni

  14. forever_flaming says:

    Martin St. Louis: the 8th dwarf

    Zdeno Chara: Chiropractor

    Tie Domi: Carni

  15. 19Yzerman says:

    Shaun Donovan—-will be posing on Billboard signs for President Tuxedo

    Lacavier and St Louis—Will stay together as partners working as sidewalk COPS near the beaches of TPA on rollerblades.

    P.J.Stock——- Has been blowing up Don Kings voice mail trying to get a Boxing match.

    Miroslav Satan—Still considering the offer to be the head of a cult near Buffalo.

    Chris Gratton—- Will be an usher at The Radio City Music Hall.

    The whole Preditors team— will be working various jobs at the Gaylord Entertainment Center.

    Martin Brouder——Has just opened a sports bar in Jersey called The 5Hole

    Luc Robitielle—-Will be on tour singing duet with his wife.

    Adam Foote—-Will be the cook at your local OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE

    Peter Forseburg—-will be writting nursery songs and rimes for all the little boys and girls.

    Tuomo Ruutu, Jonathan Cheechoo, Jordin Tootoo–will be working at Ellis Island.

    Jani Ninnima—-Plans to go around shopping malls dressed as a woman and singing Shania Twain.

    Chris Draper—-Bought a race car and will be trying to qualify at the NASCAR race.

    Paul Karia and Bobby Holik are planning to star in the up coming moving the ODD COUPLE.

    News Update Don King has just found a fighter for P.J.Stock. Its Sean Avery. This will be a bare knuckles match.

  16. dyehard says:

    Mike Ricci: taking all winter off to get a nose job & a haircutt,it may take a while.

    Jaromir Jagr:wants to join the show Amazing race to find his heart.

    Alex Mogilny:taking spanish dancing lessons to work on his hip.

    Roenick: is banging his head against the wall so the doctor sais he is not fit to play & he can get his salary for the season

  17. 19Yzerman says:

    Or how about what arena has the hottest vocalist to sing national anthems?? Red Wings —Karen Newman

  18. Serdy says:

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA holy crap i almost soiled myself

  19. propiro98 says:

    belfour – tellamarketer on how to scam 8 million

  20. TML51 says:

    Zedeno Chra– WWE’s new 6’9 monster to take on the Undertaker, Kane and Big Show

    Eric Lindros–Test subject for Sesame Streets new learning packages (with the amount of concussions in that house, this could really be a great job for him!)

    Mike Danton–In charge of NHL security (Hello??? Is this thing on?)

    Mark Messier–CEO of

    Bobby Holik–Inspirational speaker on how to make WAY more money than you’re worth.

    Jeremy Roneik–Author of new book “How to keep your mouth shut”

    Trevor Kidd–The padded guy who tries to run away from police dogs in training.

    Tie Domi–Police dog in training

    Aki Berg–Star of new movie “The invisible defenseman” Rumour has it he was a natural for the part…

    Daniel Alfredson–Got the role of the cowardly lion, thanks to that great head of hair…

    Darcy Tucker–Lent his face to the hockey version of “The Shining” with his whole Sideshow Bob thing. Apparently Shane Corson plays Wendy…

    Don Cherry–Entertaining offer from the producers (?) of “So ya wanna fight?” as a colour analyst.

    Hey…if there’s no hocky…we may as well have some fun!

  21. Freeze says:

    72 hours has passed since Gary Bettman’s captors in Iraq issued their ultimatum of a new CBA or off with Bettman’s head. The beheading effort, however, was unsuccessful as the executioner discovered that Bettman didn’t have a neck.

    The lockout continues will little hope of a quick resolution.

  22. 19Yzerman says:

    I hear that the Iraqi captors have a Tonya Harding look alike with orders to Sleep with Bettman and Also to exploit his tendencies on video so that he can be blackmailed into negociations. Not to worry though The NHLPA has also put a field operative out to help expedite the beheading and his name is Mike Danton.

  23. OoRaven says:

    The New York Rangers in an attempt to draw in fan’s dispite what Glen Sather would call “a current stroke of bad luck” have introduced the Ranger Girls. The only thing hockey was missing. I got a look at some of these girls last season during a few games. They can skate and they are wearing short skirts and tight hockey jersey’s what more could you want. FINALLY Hockey cheerleaders. >=D

  24. hockeyhead says:

    yaa, the bruins have ice girls too……they pick up stuff off the ice. not much of a point.

    the best promotional thing they had was having the dropkick murphys play during an intermission and at the end of a bruins game.

  25. 19Yzerman says:

    I thought those hotties in cowboy hats cheering for the Hurricanes in the 2002 playoffs were nice to look at. During the B’s intermisions the best thing they had going was the Midas Mufflers Mini One on One. I think they played at other arenas and were featured during intermisions on UPN38 or NESN.

    You have to see this Karen Newman. Man I am telling you she has to be the FINEST looking anthem vocalist ANYWHERE.

    Check her out at or

  26. EmptyNetter says:

    Don Cherry — Ambassador to France

    Darren Pang — will play Mayor of Munchkin land in Wizard of Oz remake

    Joel Quenneville and Jacques Martin — will appear briefly on “The Apprentice” before being fired

    Daniel Alfredsson — fortune teller for the Psychic Friends Network. His only prediction will be that the Senators will win the Stanley Cup this year.

    Mats Sundin — broken hockey stick disposal

    Joe Thornton — will become an auto mechanic and whine about bad clutches

  27. 19Yzerman says:

    I thought Daniel Alfredsson wanted to be president of the Howdy Doody fan club??? LOL

  28. EmptyNetter says:

    Michael Handzus — stunt double for Carrot Top in those 1-800-CALL-ATT commercials

    Mike Commodore — will tour with Lionel Ritchie as “The New Commodores”

    Todd Bertuzzi — suitcase tester for American Tourister (remember the gorilla?)

    Scott Stevens — bell ringer for his local parish

    Alexi Kovalev — hand model

  29. the_expert_44 says:

    they ripped off the islanders’ ice girls, weve had them for a while now

  30. hockeyhead says:

    she is a cutie…but it can’t find her web site. i clicked on it on the ccm site and it won’t go.?????

  31. 19Yzerman says:

    I wasn’t sure if my terminal was acting up which is why I put both links on there for you.

  32. forever_flaming says:

    Zdeno Chara- chiropractor

    Theo Fleury- scored the role for mini-me in the next austin powers movie

    Martin St. Louis- The eighth dwarf

    Tie Domi-Ex con who has recentley joined the travelling carnival

    Donald Brashear- Star of the adult film industry

  33. Phillyfanatic says:

    How about these:

    Ed Belfour – president of all “AA” meetings in the

    Toronto area

    Alex Kovalev – can be the founder and mentor of the “Kovalev School of Acting”

    Mike Ribeiro – Kovalev’s first student

    Nik Antropov – Skating Instructor

    Darcy Tucker – (Sideshow Bob) should work as a Carnie.

    Claude Lemieux – Spelling Bee Contestant (Remember that famous quip where he said of another players captaincy: “What does the C stand for….selfish?”

    Jeremy Roenick – JR Superstar would be his porn name and his first film would star Amonte’s wife

  34. defenestrate says:

    Alexi Yashin – NAMBLA spokesman

    Paul Kariya – Benihana chef

    Tie Domi – Model for the new, improved “Rock-Em Sock-Em Robots”

    The Lindros family will replace “The Osbournes”

    Mike Ricci will join the cast of VH1’s “Surreal Life”, and subsequently have a tempestuous love-hate relationship triangle with “Sporty Spice” and “Natalie” from “The Facts Of Life”

    Peter Worrell will become part of the “Security Staff” on “Jerry Springer” (affirmative action, you know)

    Martin Brodeur will be the “special guest commentator” on “Cheaters”

    Dany Heatley, Adam Foote, Rod Brind’Amour, Dallas Drake, and a host of others will vy for a spot on “Extreme Makeover”

    The person who wrote this article will get a job as the new “Quality Control Director” on UPN

    To quote Nick Lowe – “and so it goes; but where it’s going, no one knows”.

  35. defenestrate says:

    I needed that.

  36. 19Yzerman says:

    Is she HOT? Hows about JR, Amonte’s wife and Tanya Harding making a sandwich.

    Mike Commedor–wants to be RONALD McDONALD

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