The Perfect Hockey Player

Many would argue that Frankenstein is the original horror classic. This scientist created a monster by putting different strengths and powers into one. Now it’s your turn to create the perfect hockey player.A hockey player needs various assets to be succesful. He needs a brain to be able to think the game, a strong set of eyes that possess great hockey vision, a strong and dominant torso, soft and skilled hands, a powerful lower body, quick and agile feet, and most importantly, heart and desire.

So everyone, grab your scalpel and sewing kit and get down to business.

Here is what I came up with:

Head: Nik Lidstrom– Nobody can think the game like Niklas Lidstrom. The Detroit defenseman may not be the biggest guy, but he uses his smarts to cut off angles, succesfully pinch and intercept passes. A player who has played over 1000 games and won numerous Norris trophies must be doing something right.

Eyes: Mario Lemieux– Super Mario possesses tremendous vision. He can find a defenceman streaking in, when facing the boards behind the net. Even at this stage in his career, Lemieux makes passes that nobody would dream of making, and sees things that nobody would dream of seeing. I’ll pluck his peepers for my creation.

Upper Body: Zdeno Chara– When creating a dominant torso, why not start with the biggest man in hockey. His power and strength was shown when he threw around 200 pound Bryan McCabe like a rag doll. If you want a dominant upper body, look no further than Chara.

Hands: Joe Sakic– While many would select hands that are fancy and perform tremendous dekes, I’m choosing ones which possess a tremendous, quick release, wrist shot. Joe Sakic’s hands can let a puck go like no other, and when looking to score goals, I want his hands on the stick.

Lower Body: Peter Forsberg– There are many players who are hard to knock off the puck, but no one is more balanced and strong on his skates than Peter Forsberg. It is nearly impossible to move him, and he uses his legs to protect the puck like no other.

Feet: Scott Niedermayer– A perfect hockey player would be quick and agile, and when looking for those qualities, I would stop when I come to Niedermayer’s name. He is a fluent skater who has won the fastest skating competition numerous times, and I want his feet to support and move the perfect hockey player’s body.

Heart: Steve Yzerman– The perfect hockey player has to have the desire to win no matter what, so naturally, I would take Steve Yzerman’s heart. Stevie Y is the definition of hard work and grit. This guy will do anything to win, even if it means playing on one leg. With his heart, my player would be unstoppable.

This is my perfect hockey player? What do you think, and how would you create your player?


68 Responses to The Perfect Hockey Player

  1. PayUpSucka says:

    Dude I hear ya. I guess that’s the only battle the sens have ever won against the leafs. I’ll give them that bone if that’s all they have.

  2. Darkhorse says:

    gretsky is overated.

  3. bringbacktocchet says:

    why isn’t rick tocchet named anywhere on here. he came into the league at 6’0″ barely 200lbs. and made himself into one of the most feared players in the league. total heart and work ethic and passion for the game. why do you think gretz traded luc for tocchet back in the day? the perfect hockey player. and could still come out and kick some ass today. i wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t become coach for the yotes knowing his relationship with gretz and the presence he would bring behind the net. ask any tough player today who their idol was and gauranteed tocchet is in there. one of the most RESPECTED players ever.

  4. freshprince says:

    Head – Joe Sakic

    Eyes – Mario Lemieux

    Upper Body – Todd Bertuzzi

    Hands – Markus Naslund

    Lower Body – Todd Bertuzzi

    Feet – Paul Kariya

    Heart – Steve Yzerman

  5. Kraut182 says:

    Exactly, what was McCabe supposed to do after Chara grabbed him from behind and got him off balance? Fight back and give Chara an excuse to beat the crap out of him? McCabe wouldn’t stand much chance in a fair fight, let alone a situation like that.

    I do think Chara’s a good player, but I’m pretty sure he’s also a robot. Have you ever seen a more expressionless face.

  6. Kraut182 says:

    Head- If we’re talking history then its obviously Wayne with everyone else a distant second. If we’re talking current I gotta take Mario.

    Eyes- This seems like the same as head (your eyes are on your head right) so I’ll just go with the same answer.

    Upper Body- Georges Laraque is the most feared fighter in the NHL (he can’t buy a fight anymore) so you’ve gotta go with him.

    Hands- If you’re talking wrist shot then I like your Sakic pick, but the 2 sickest goals I’ve seen in the past few years are the one Kovalev scored last night and that Datsyuk break away so its a 2-way tie here.

    Lower Body- Forsberg, sure tough to argue there.

    Feet- Gaborik is the fastest guy around, so his feet gotta be doing something good.

    Heart- Yzerman’s great, but to name someone new I’ll go with Ryan Smyth. He’s no where near the most talented player on Team Canada but tries so hard and throws that wet rag body around with complete disregard.

  7. Darkhorse says:

    Gretsky is the most overated player in sports history. Joe Montana takes a close second.

  8. ForsbergSA says:

    Dont forget Micheal Jordan.

  9. habswinthecup-again says:

    If you want older players, then definately the player with the most heart is The Rocket Maurice Richard.

  10. Darkhorse says:

    Nah…MJ wasn’t overated. He deserves all the credit he gets. Gretsky never played on a bad team and played in a different era. Mario is twice the player Gretsky ever was. Montana was good…like Tom Brady, but neither could do jack squat without good teams unlike John Elway who could have taken a peewee league to the Super Bowl.

  11. bruinfan37 says:

    in your top 10, you list 4 Leafs.

    And people wonder why Leaf fans get picked on!!

  12. mattf says:

    uh the la kings were pretty horrible before gretZky came (hence having the most improved record in the nhl in 1991).. could it be that he was the best player at the time and made others around him better? HMMM.

  13. mattf says:

    he has looked like crap so far in the round robins. overgrown ape with a long reach and two lazy eyes

  14. mattf says:

    hahaha brilliant!

  15. bpanther83 says:

    How the hell is he over-rated? Never played on a bad team? Where was L.A. b4 Gretzky came there? Hell every one of the greatest players are said to of been on great teams. I mean Lemiuex was great cause he had Jagr and Stevens (who was excellent back in the day). Gretzky made everyone around him better, u watch him play and say that…and if u do, then ur smoking some good shit.

  16. bpanther83 says:

    MJ over-rated? HAHAHAHA…now ur really on crack. The bulls go from last place to winning the NBA title as soon as he returned. U people just hate everyone who u can never be.

  17. bpanther83 says:

    HEAD and EYES – Gretzky…Easily the smartest and most talented player ever.

    Upper and Lower Body – Scott Steven – I am suprised no one used him in this. The guy is built like a rock.

    Hands – Bobby Orr…The guy could get from his end to the other end and score while dekeing out the entire team. His hands HAVE to be doing something right.

    Feet – Since ur all talking speed and such…Why not Pavel Bure…Give this guy an inch and he was GONE. If u want someone more over-all talented then I would go with Gaborik.

    Heart and Leadership – EASILY Yzerman – The guy comes into the playoffs with a bad knee and blocks shots and hits and does everything his body will let him. He leads by example, and he kills himself everygame injured or not, u can count on 110% every game.

    Grit – A younger Gary Roberts – He used to be feard in the corners, and would grind with anyone.

  18. Doppelganger says:

    If you are going to create a Frankenstein, unfortanately you must make an Igor. (The anti-Frankenstien)

    Head: The Left Hemisphere of Eric Lindros and the Right Hemisphere of Adam Deadmarsh would make for a very fragile cranium.

    Eyes (or should I say “eye”): Bryan Berard

    Upper Body: Obviously, Lemieux would be the choice. He would throw out his back trying to lift all of those medical bills.

    Hands: Christian Laflamme, not because of injury but because he hasnt scored a goal this millenium.

    Lower Body: Pavel Bure, I for one did not think Valerie Bure would have the longer NHL career.

    Feet: Derian Hatcher, the man skates like he hates the ice.

    Heart: Well Chris Pronger’s heart stopped beating during a game once, but I am going to go with good old Bruce Gamble, the old Flyers goalie who had a heart attack during a game.

    For every “Frankenteam” there is one like this. It is not pretty but neither is Mike Ricci.

Leave a Reply