Tony G, Eddie O but not Teddie No,

Ok, here’s three strange things….

1)The bible has been translated into Australian. The word Amen has been replaced by “Krikey” and Jesus spends most ofhis time turing waterinto Fosters.

2)Why do Women freak out if you see them in their bra and panties in the GAP changeroom(allegedly….wink !) but could careless if you see them in a bikini. It’s the same thing !!!

3)Ed Olczyk and Tony Granato are now official head coaches of NHL teams while Ted Nolan warms up yet another bowl of sour grapes.

First. I don’t hate Eddie “O”. I have the CenterIce package and I enjoy his coverage of the Penguins games. He’s a lot more objective then most of the

local play by play guys.

However, a good color guy does not a head coach (Gary Greene is a shining example…)

make. To me this plays out like one of those crapass movies where the good guy

schlub through a deus ex machinistic display of luck becomes president of the company he used to be the janitor for, add a fieldgoal kicking mule and you’re all set. Oyitch !!

For some reason in the very back of my mind I get the feeling that Olczyk and Granato won’t be there long but they are the cheapest option for either team. Either that or they have guaranteed themselves a pointy seat in hell next to Hitler, David Hasselhoff and the rest of the guys who signed their deals with Satan.

My vitriolic cup runneth over simply because Pittsburgh has not made the playoffs in 5 years and I think that for all intents and purposes Craig

Patrick has officially thrown his cards on the table, taken his ball and gone home (insert your own “I surrender” cliché here) and said to the fans

here’s a good guy that you all know and love, he’s now our coach, our team will continue to suck but you like him so please don’t get mad at me. Is there a little influence of the big “M” here? He loves Eddie.

So why, why, why would Craig or LaCroix not go out and hire themselves a guy like Ted

Nolan. He’s a Jack Adams winner, He took his team to the semi finals in ’96

and from all reports during his tenure was a solid motivator who the players loved and wanted to play for.

I’m not one to throw out conspiracies like a pocket on a shirt but has Ted Nolan been blackballed by the NHL intelligentsia? Was his refusal to resign

a one year contract extension with the Sabres a slap in the face to the ol’boys network in the NHL?

Here’s some kind of interesting points….

1)Nolan coached two years in the NHL and compiled a below .500 season average winning percentage.

2)He won the Jack Adams award.

3)He came up through the ranks of Junior Hockey (SSM Greyhounds) and paid his dues just like most of the current NHL coaches in the league right now.

4)Considered a one year extension on his contract a “slap in the face” from the Sabres.

5)Is a polished motivational speaker and well respected in the coaching community, the players who he coached and the media that covers the NHL.

6)Granato and Olczyk have never coached a game but are now NHL head coaches.

7)John Muckler was the Sabres President at that point and is considered one of the NHL power brokers.

8)The NHL coaching graveyard (so packed, they’re now stacking bodies on top of each other) is full of guys who only lasted a few seasons or less. Don

Hey, Insert your favorite Sutter here, Hartley, Melrose, all guys that have had good seasons only to be let go soon after the next letdown. Is there any difference between Nolan and these guys ? Is it like Monty Python says: Is

it all random?

Ok, and here is the really big one that I’m sure we’re all thinking but I really don’t think should play any part in the argument. (well, I guess it

could but let’s hope not) Nolan is Native Indian and he is extremely proud of his heritage. He has spent his non coaching life speaking for free on reservations all over Canada and the

US as well as lending his name to several aboriginal organizations. I think

the NHL is multi national enough not to let race become an issue. Hell, Esa Tikkanen made it in and I’m still trying to decipher his post game comments

from 1994 after Game 6 of the Van/NY series. I’m just not Zapruderian enough

to buy into the race argument.

So, there it is. A good (although not great) coach with a promising future who pissed off the establishment (Rigeur and Muckler) is still not working while guys (both Americans to boot) with no experience are put ahead of him.

The NHL recycles it coaches as much or moreso then any of the other professional leagues so why does a Jack Adams winner, a decent big league record and allegedly “well respected coach” not work his way into the rotation.? So, is

it a conspiracy or just a case of Eddie and Tony being the right guys at the right time at the right price.

There’s enough teams out there in need of

a coach so why not Nolan? Somewhere there’s either a simple and obvious Scooby Doo ending like answer or there’s the possibility that Muckler was indeed the “deep throat” that may have alerted other GM’s to not hiring Nolan.

31 Responses to Tony G, Eddie O but not Teddie No,

  1. Flyers_01 says:

    He was blackballed by Muckler

  2. bender says:

    1) Finally someone has done to the bible, what the bible has done to many people for centuries. Jesus’ character would have been a lot kewler if he turned water into BEER.

    2) It’s all about material, underwear is made out of shearer fabric, and bikini’s are made thicker. PLus it has to do with the element of surprise, a woman is trapped in a changeroom and not suspecting anyone to walk in. A girl in a bikini is preparing to go public with her appearance.

    3) It’s all about location and who you know in Eddie O and Tony G’s place.

    It’s a shame that Ted Nolan has been shafted, but I’d rather him go to a team who really respects him and will give him what he deserves, than go to a team who’d rather keep changing coaches more than a babies diaper, and getting guys with absolutely no experience at all.

    One day Teddy will get the job he so deserves…

    One day all women will feel good about there bodies…

    One day we’ll find out that the guy who wrote the bible was turning water into beer long before the Auzzie Hesus…

  3. defenestrate says:

    Here’s a few more “strange things”:

    1.) The Bible is also allegedly being translated into “Klingon” (though I’m sure YOU knew that);

    2.) You have to learn to type with two hands and space your words properly – “waterinto” and “careless” (which is a word, but not in the context you used it) – being prime examples.

    3.) You continue to preface your articles with “aint-I-clever-for-watching-The-Man-Show” non-sequiterisms, yet you berate me for “lack of hockey knowledge”. Que dice?

    4.) “Native Indian” is a derisive term; it is preferable to either denote lineage by tribe, or simply say “Native”. “Indian” is an appellation bestowed by Columbus, because he was a smallpox-carrying moron.

    5.) If you’re peeking at women in changing rooms, you have issues that are best not addressed on this site. The Kinseys are down the hall.

    6.) “throw out conspiracies like a pocket on a shirt?” Who the ^%$# is writing your material – Emo Phillips?

    All that having been said, this issue has been brought up here numerous times before. And here’s the real answer – Basing an opinion of a coaches’ ability on a single season is a chimera. No one has any idea of what really went on “behind the scenes”. And we never will (except for Rangers and Leafs fans – they are omniscient, omnipotent, and Vishnu-like).

    Seems to me Granato didn’t do a bad job last season. Also seems to me we can’t criticize Eddie until he slips and falls – which of course he will, since he is inheriting a “no win” situation – the Penguins being the Washington Wizards of hockey.

    The “Americans to boot” card was gratuitous and divisive. We had enough of that on here a few months ago.

    And Schonfeld is the best example of a broadcaster who can’t coach…….

    I will give credit where it is due for finally providing a welcome respite from the monotonous list of people who are going to be signed by the Leafs and Rangers (are we back to an “Original Two” league)?

    However, as usual, I give your puerile imitation of my inimitable style a C-, at best. It just doesn’t measure up to SCTP standards – you’re trying too hard.

    “Frankie Say Relax”…………..

    SCTP – “Maybe Nolan Is Just A Prick….. and remember, you can prick your finger, but don’t finger your…….”

  4. defenestrate says:

    Help me!

  5. platinumx15 says:

    you forgot the part where he tried to take over operations and take the GM’s job…..

    maybe thats the reason why another GM wont hire him…and maybe thats why he will NEVER coach in the nhl ever again

  6. rojoke says:

    There was an idea floated by some of the media that hiring Ed Olczyk is more of a public relations move, trying to buy the fans goodwill. Penguins fans know him and like him, and that is assumed to be enough to sell tickets. Management hopes they’ll overlook the fact that, as far as we know, he’s never coached a game of hockey at any level.

    Talking about Granato, it was generally agreed that Hartley was a scapegoat and didn’t deserve to get the axe. He proved what kind of coach he was when he got to Atlanta. After all, the Avs started slowly the previous season, but turned it around and won their division. It’s not out of the realm of possibility that Hartley could have done it again, if given the opportunity.

    And finally, Ted Nolan has been labelled a GM killer. The only possible route back to the NHL for Ted is if someone has enough ‘nads to make him coach and GM.

  7. Kraftster says:

    Yes well, the Penguins made it to the Conference finals just 3 years ago, so I Don’t know where you are getting 5 years, and there are plenty of things that make Olczyk a decent choice. Additionally, Craig Patrick has actually finally been more honest with fans about the position of the club. The Penguins have already announced a definite, substantial decrease in ticket prices. If the draft goes well, there’s no reason to think the Penguins will be in a suck, throw in the towel position as a franchise. Olczyk has a unique familiarity with the players, that no other candidate could have, he’s young, it creates excitment/enthuisasm for the players to prove everyone wrong, and he’s cheap…

    I was really discouraged at first, but in many ways, the move makes sense….so….

  8. cwthrash says:

    Interesting you brought up styles. Whenever I write an article or a long comment, I tend to stick in more than a few parentheses. Used to writing epic sized academic papers that require good detail, but here I use the parentheses as a small bullet-point of detail. Otherwise, I’d ramble more than I do now and the readers would die of boredom.

    Anyone with sanity would stay away from my particular style, but it’s interesting how I’ve seen more parentheses is his articles. Not saying he’s doing it on purpose (and for his sake I sincerely hope not), but it’s interesting. See, I did it again. Can’t stay away.

  9. TexCan77 says:

    Fellas, You need to check with the site administrator abuot “styles” and who has been positng longer. You’ll find that I have been posting before either of you. My style is my own. I too have written long academic papers and unfortunately I still have to. My posts, spelling errors and all are for fun and to take away the boredom of doing actual work.

  10. TexCan77 says:

    Is that true? I couldnt find any articles about that. Opinion or fact based. Good to know. Thks.

  11. TexCan77 says:

    You are correct sir. Bad on my part. The Pens did make the conference finals. I had that in my notes but the crapass etch a sketch masquerading as my laptop screwed the pooch on autosave.

    I really think that the Penguins will eventually relabel this year as a rebuilding year. I really do like Eddie O. For my money he is the #1 color guyy on all of the local stations and you’re right he may have some impact that a Ted Nolan won’t. The thrust of my article was not “Ed O” bad but rather why are guys getting shakes who have never coached a game before while another guy with such a promising coaching career stays out in the cold. I think a good counterpoint might also be “Isn’t it great that the NHL is expanding it’s coach’s ranks rather then recycle its usual list of suspects. Thanks for the catch about the playoffs.

  12. defenestrate says:

    Well, strip my gears and call me shiftless….

    Paint me yellow and call me a cab…..

    We’re just tweaking you, Tex. it’s actually refreshing to see someone with a “style” of ANY kind on here. It’s a lost art in the age of A.D.D.

    Besides, I missed you. It’s no fun sparring with someone who can’t hit back (i.e. “ex-spurt”).

    And I have the unfortunate burden of being the one at work everyone comes to and says, “Will you write this? You’re better with that stuff”. False flattery making a feeble attempt to disguise sloth. Pity.

    “It’s all right now

    I learned my lesson well

    You see you

    Can’t please everyone so

    You got please yourself”

    And I don’t mean that in an onanistic sort of way….

  13. MantaRay says:

    The myth of Ted Nolan has almost blown into King Lear status.

    If he was a great coach he would be coaching.

    He did a good job in Buffalo, but he also had one of the games greatest goaltenders to make him look better than he actually was.

  14. guinsfan4life says:

    When I heard about them naming edddie o as head coach I about screamed. While time has healed my wounds it still makes me very judgemental (as always) of several things:

    1. What kind of search was created, i.e. who else was interviewed? If the answer is nobody, then why not? Are you then telling me that a coach with no coaching experience on any level besides pee-wee is the best candidate to be your head coach and run an NHL bench?

    2. If the above is true, then Patrick is putting all he has on the table. I believe that Mario now is realizing the troubles of the team and if Eddie O doesn’t work out, Craig P, will be out.

    3. The penguins are proposing their ideas for a new arena and hope to have a plan in place by the end of August. If a deal isn’t struck by then, I believe Mario puts the team up for sale to the highest bidder.

    4. Mario has waited an awfully long time to announce if he is coming back or not, eh? You have to figure he would want to wait until the last possible minute, right? Does this mean he is coming back or is he just delaying the news so further increase ticket sales due to the huge dropoff that occurred when Olyczk was named coach?

  15. cwthrash says:

    Chill brother.

    I’m not trying to get into a pissing contest here about whose got what style or who has been on longer than who. I’ve been around here for almost a year and a half, but didn’t start submitting an article on a regular basis until about 7 or 8 months ago. So in terms of being a regular contributor here; no, I haven’t been around all that long.

    And I’ve tried structuring my articles in several different ways. So even if you say that I have any style at all, it’s kinda all over the place. It’s just my usual subject matter doesn’t seem grab much attention. Maybe in time. But I’ll keep up the fight. I’ll even be obnoxious, imagine that, but fair and open-minded. Don’t take too much offense if I rag you every now and then. At times, you will deserve it just like at times I will deserve it.

  16. TexCan77 says:

    I think you may be right. But what I am more curous about is the process/criteria undertaken/used by a GM/Owner?President etc… when determining that, “Yep, he’s our guy”. The article points out that here are some unproven ex-players who may know a lot about hockey but not necessarily the skills to coach it. Yet, here’s a guy like Nolan (good/bad/mediocre) who has proven experience yet he didn’t even merit a maybe according to the media reports of the recent hirings. And yes you are right HAsek sure does make a guy look awfully good behind the bench but that argument loses it’s punch when you apply it to all the other teams out there with so called superlative bench bosses…Inparticularly Rangers/Keanan Crawford/Vancouver these guys were big time winners with their old teams which were laden with superstars. Now that they’re coahing other teams. The L’s are starting to catch up tp the W’s.

  17. defenestrate says:

    There goes that damn CW again – always picking on people. Why can’t you be more unequivocally accepting of people – like I am?


  18. defenestrate says:

    I can think of three “stranger things” – Bender, Matteo, and Titans.


  19. MantaRay says:

    I think alot of stuff in Nolan’s case is alot of hear say from people behind the scenes. Maybe people are afraid to hire him because of bad PR (because of his alledged affair with Haseks wife).

    The other hires were made because the coaches hired were cheap and in Eddie O’s case a TV personality.

    I also disagree with you about Crawford, I don’t see the L’s catching up with him in Vancouver.

  20. matteo says:

    Do I have to tell you….I am NOT part of the damn peanut galllery……

    But thanks for remembering me you buffoon…..

    SCTP – we are sooo money baby

  21. matteo says:

    I REALLY REALLY wanted to read this and then pick you apart point by point, but half way through your tribute to war and peace – not only was I falling asleep, but I was ready to throw myself in front of a charging 3 legged platypus…….

    Drivel…..pure drivel….and the jokes were a feeble attempt at humor……….If humor is a marathon runner then your jokes are quadrapeligics rolling around screaming mmaahhhhh muhhhhh eehhhhh at the starting line……

    SCTP – They should have a telethon for you…..

  22. matteo says:

    Please explain the link between Ted Nolan and King Lear. This I have to hear.

  23. matteo says:

    From now on I am going the way of James Joyce and only writing in Stream of Consciousness……

  24. cwthrash says:

    Yes, master.

    I try, master.

    Even though it doesn’t really apply here, I’ll say this. I won’t pull a punch; if I feel someone deserves it, it’s guns ablazing. And I completely expect the same thing coming my way. God knows I say stupid things from time to time. Many here will atest to that.

  25. defenestrate says:

    I was wondering when you’d find this..

    I meant to say “penis gallery”

    My bad……

    SCTP – “Dangling babies off the balcony”

  26. defenestrate says:

    They both have “l,a,e, and n” in their respective names.

    They also both would screw a snake, or a rockpile if they thought a snake was hiding in it…

    SCTP – “Would you like to buy a vowel?”

  27. defenestrate says:

    I have three strange things – oh, wait – those are my testicles…….never mind.

  28. MantaRay says:

    Perhaps not so much Lear in a charactor sense.

    I thought of Nolan as a tragic figure that has almost established Shakespearan proportions…for some reason I just thought of Lear, but it doesn’t really apply.

    Ok, so what I meant to say was, “Nolan has become a tragic figure of Shakespearian proportions” is that better Matteo?

  29. TexCan77 says:

    Well fellas…

    King Lear had vanity. He made his daughters declare their love for him in public and when Cordelia wouldn’t. She was dowryless.

    Ted Nolan had vanity. He would not accept a one year contract because it was beneath him. Hasn’t worked since.

    King Lear had passion.

    Nolan has passion

    Most importantly, the tragedy of Lear was he came to hate what he loved the most due to his own making. E.g Hated Goneril, Regan and Cordelia because they didn’t want him around after he divided up Britain for them.

    Nolan has soured on coaching because he gave up an opportunity that was “a slap in the face” and now he can’t get hired.

  30. TexCan77 says:

    Woops Cordelia didn’t get a chunk. She married Frenchy instaead. My post may have made it seem otherwise.

  31. G_Money says:

    hahahahahah good one defen

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