TSN's Dirty Dozen

TSN Sports Forcaster has come up with the 2001-02 Dirty Dozen Awards, which goes to the worst player in the given category.

Without further delay, here they are:

“Overture, curtain, lights! With apologies to Bugs Bunny, on with the Dirty Dozen Awards. While these awards might not have the fame of the Oscar’s, the creditibility of the Emmy’s or the the luster of Mark Messier’s head, the Sport’s Forcaster’s Dirty Dozen awards are eagerly awaited by well, dozens of people. We honor the worst of the worst. The people whose 2001-2002 seasons were as successful as the “Rocky and Bullwinkle” movie. Without further delay, we unveil this years, um, winners…

JOHN VANBIESBROUCK AWARD

(worst free agent)

the nominees are…

– Pierre Turgeon, Dallas: $6 million for 15 goals. Still soft.

– Martin Lapointe, Boston: $5.25 million. Hmmm… why is hockey headed for another shutdown?

– John LeClair, Philadelphia: $9 million. Nice player but way overpriced. Had 25 goals but zero playoff points.

*The winner- PIERRE TURGEON

BRAD MARSH AWARD

(worst skater)

the nominees are…

– Marek Malik, Carolina: Often skates like he’s wearing Arturs Irbe’s pads.

– Richard Smehlik, Buffalo: A smart defensemen. With his speed, he has to be!

– Eric Cairns, Islanders: Good thing he can fight.

*The winner- RICHARD SMEHLIK

BILL LAFORGE AWARD

(worst coach)

the nominees are…

– Ken Hitch*****, Dallas: His tough guy act has lost it’s affect.

– Ron Wilson, Washington: He only had Jagr, Bondra, Oates, Gonchar, and Kolzig to work with

– Ron Low, Rangers: Big-budget team, low market results.

*The winner- RON WILSON

MARTY HOWE AWARD

(worst defensive player)

the nominees are…

– Sandis Ozolinsh, Florida: His partner will always lead the league in three-on-ones against.

– Pavel Bure, Rangers: Still doesn’t realize that his team has a goalie too.

– Sergei Berezin, Montreal: Healthy playoff scratch for a reason.

*The winner- SANDIS OZOLINSH

DAVE REESE AWARD

(worst goalie)

the nominees are…

– Trevor Kidd, Florida: Four wins in 33 games, an .895 save percentage and an untradeable contract

– Ed Belfour, Dallas: The Stars defense was bad but Belfour was worse. The eagle has landed.

– J.S. Aubin: Enron had a better year.

*The winner- TREVOR KIDD

ALEXANDRE DAIGLE AWARD

(biggest offensive disappointment)

– Jeff Friesen, Anaheim: 17 goals in 81 games. Outscored by fellow Duck Mike Leclerc?

– Vincent Lacavalier, Tampa Bay: 37 points in 76 games. Time for the next superstar to step it up.

– Philadelphia Flyers: 2 goals in the playoffs. Redifining the term “Total team effort”

*The winner-BOB CLARKE’s Philadelphia Flyers

STEVE SMITH AWARD

(most embarassing moment)

– Tommy Salo, Edmonton: Gave up a game-winner from center ice in the Olymic semis.

– Andre Roy, Tampa Bay: Go to the box, feel shame, but stay in the box!

– Theoren Fluery, Rangers: We sympathize with his problem, but enough with the histrionics.

*The winner- TOMMY SALO

KIM CLACKSON AWARD

(worst hands)

The nominees are…

– Jeff Finley, St. Louis: No goals in 78 games.

– Scott Stevens, New Jersey: A goal in game 82 was his only one of the season.

– Bill Houlder, Nashville: Zero for 82 games.

*The winner- BILL HOULDER

ROSEANNE BARR AWARD

(whineiest NHLer of the year)

The nominees are…

– Darcy Tucker, Toronto: Cool in the regular season but back to his old self in the playoffs

– Pat Quinn, Toronto: It’s not our fault, it’s not our fault, it’s not our fault.

– Tie Domi, Toronto: Openly complained that Travis Green was getting more ice time than he was.

*The winner- DARCY TUCKER

(if we didn’t give it to him, he’d whine)

DALE HUNTER AWARD

(cheapest shot of the year)

The nominees are…

– Bryan Marchment, San Jose: Elbow to the head of Shane Willis earned a six-game suspension

– Kevin Sawyer, Anaheim: Five games for trying to injure MIKE VERNON?

– Dale Purinton, Rangers: For a cross-check on Stephen Peat, his first of two suspensions that year.

*The winner- BRYAN MARCHMENT

VANCOUVER CANUCKS AWARD

(worst uniform)

– Boston yellow: We pray that Goldilocks eats this bear

– Buffalo red: Thank heavens Gilbert Perreault never had to wear this

– Nashville mustard: All they need are a few hot dogs

*The winner- NASHVILLE PREDATORS”

——————————————————————————

Hope you all liked them. I must disagree on the Beezer Award, should have gone to Lapointe. Give Turg a break, the guy atleast tries, Marty just hangs at the blue line waiting for a pass, then looses the puck, then cheap-shots some unsuspecting rookie. I’m tellin ya, with the exception of Marc “I skate as fast as I walk” Bergevin and Dallas “All I want for Christmas is my two-front teeth” Drake, nothing good comes out of the Red Wings……. just kidding my very good hockey fans.

What do you think?

~Jeff P.

JFB DK57


17 Responses to TSN's Dirty Dozen

  1. edmontonrules says:

    For the Dale Hunter Award. Where’s the hit from Mclaren in the playoffs. It cost Montreal a lot. It also was very ugly. I like the Vancouver Canucks award. They have had the worst jerseys ever. Except their latest ones aren’t too bad.

  2. DG says:

    Nice awards: I agreed with most. I think Ron Wilson should have won the “Bill LaForge Award” because the New York Rangers may have been big budget but the Washington Capitals were supposed to be a super team and fell flat on their faces. As for the “Vancouver Canucks Award”, I don’t think the Canucks’ uniforms are that bad, and if I was a National Hockey League player I wouldn’t be caught dead with the minor-league-ish Columbus Blue Jackets jersey or the Ottawa Senators’ road jersey, not to mention telling people I play for “the Wild”. Plus, that award is probably going to get old pretty soon- teams don’t change their uniforms that much anymore- so there’s really not much point in keeping it. Maybe they should rate uniform changes instead of rating uniforms, at least when they happen, since the “winner” will probably be again the Nashville Predators. As for the Philadelphia Flyers, yeah, that was SOME team effort, eh Bobby? They should “award” the Worst Executive of The Year, and we’d all pick Bobby Clarke (or at least I would). It’s also very curious only Toronto Maple Leafs were nominated for the “Rosanne Barr Award”….

    By the way, my vote’s up for Eddie Belfour to win the 2002-03 John Vanbiesbrouck Award. If the pre-season and last year’s meltdown were any indication, Toronto will be in for a long season.

    -DG

  3. YingYan says:

    I have to disagree with Pierre Turgeon, give him a spot as an offensive man and he’ll stack points. Might get a break his season, needs a scorer to pass it to to be really effective but can score too. If he sux his year with a more offensive role than maybe.

    Leclair is way overpaid and thus have to produce way more than Turgeon who must have like half his salary.

    Aaah finally someone recognises Darcy Turckey’s whine power, it’s about time you give them man his medal of ‘honor’! 😉

    I REALLY hope Marchment’s career is OVER by an exact replica of any of his 431353256887252374874817513264523835732327268723432 cheap shots he made while ‘playing’ up to this point in time! ;p

  4. amok says:

    The Vancouver Canucks award probably refers to those godawful yellow jerseys of the 80s. The real old one with the “V” seems to be retro cool the last few years, but the yellow one with the skate going downhill will always be one of the ugliest clothing articles ever designed. And this is coming from a Canucks fan who grew up following the team in the late 80s. Not even I’d wear the yellow jersey!

    Thanks for pointing out those awful Senators road jerseys. They deserve some mention for being so bad.

  5. amok says:

    It looks like these awards are just based on the regular season and Olympics. Otherwise the Lidstrom goal against Cloutier would be right beside the goal against Salo.

  6. amok says:

    Good awards and choices. There aren’t any I’d argue with, except maybe to pick something Fleury did for the Steve Smith Award. I’m sure there were probably at least a half dozen things he did that could have won him the award.

    Very glad to see Marchment win what he so rightfully deserves. Like Fleury in embarrassing moments, Marchment could have filled the nominee openings and still had a few cheap shots left over. I hope this is the year someone pays him back and he’s outta the game for good.

  7. Habs4ever says:

    Oh man they forget Bill Muckalt for the Kim Clackson award! Muckalt hasnt had a goal since he played with the Islanders! hahahahaha. Shame and humiliation.

  8. Obcd says:

    Have you realized that two of the three nominees are now the two goalies of the Maple Leafs? Ha Ha Ha

  9. HockeyRules says:

    Did anyone else notice that two of the nominees for the “Dave Reese Award” (worst goalie) were both the new Toronto Maple Leafs goalies? Ed Belfour and Trevor Kidd…signs of the bad year ahead for Toronto I guess.

    Oh and about the “Vancouver Canucks Award”…they arent talking about the jerseys they wear now. They are talking about the old old jerseys, either the V neck jersey of the blueish-green jersey with the hockey stick on the front. Both were pretty bad (actually the hockey stick was pretty cool lol).

  10. amok says:

    Yeah, the very original one wasn’t so bad. I’m not sure how it was liked at the time, but the last few years it seems to have even come back into style, same with the horrible V neck one (I can’t explain why anyone likes that one). The award might refer to the yellow jerseys with the skate going downhill. There are no excuses for that one.

  11. Forsberg21 says:

    Anybody think someone will beat out Guerin’s slash to the back of his own teammates neck, for next years cheap shot award. If you havn’t seen the footage, I think ESPN.com still has it up on there site. It looks pretty bad. The rookie was getting a little to physical away from the play with Guerin, and Billy shouldn’t have put up with it, but he didn’t deserve a chop to the neck, that could have easily broke his neck.

  12. amok says:

    It’s still on ESPN. That’s a great “team leader” Dallas got for $9 million.

  13. OgieOglethorpe says:

    Great article, lots of fun to read! I think the hands down winner of the Steve Smith award should be Patrick Roy for his “Statue of Liberty” impression in the playoffs. Honorable mention goes out to Gary Bettman for the “Steve Yzerman, {insert weasel noise here} come and get it!” line. How about those old L.A. Kings uniforms for the Canucks award? And finally; the Dale Hunter {cheapest shot of the year} has to go to Curtis Joseph for stabbing the Blue and White faithful in the back. I’m no Leafs fan {and no longer a Wings fan either!}, but this guy doesn’t deserve to have his name on the cup.

  14. burky says:

    Canucks jerseys rule, especially the johhny canuck ones, they should bring those back!

  15. Leaf_Expert says:

    Obviously doesn’t like the Leafs….

    What a sad man…..

  16. DG says:

    Yeah, the yellow was bad. REAL bad. Still, if they still wore them, I’d still classify it better than a lot of National Hockey League jerseys for the retro-kick, as too many NHL teams try to be “modern”. Logos are supposed to be timeless- almost like national flags if you will- so to see anyone changing uniforms is just regretable.

    -DG

  17. HockeyIsMyLife says:

    Holy ****! Just seen it on ESPN. Cant believe Draney wasn’t injured. Is it me or does Dallas attract the biggest (Insert Derogatory Expletive here).

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