Uncle Walt Reaches Out From The Cryogenic Beyond…

A long-standing rumor has been confirmed by documentation found by “thesmokingbong.com”.

How many times have you heard the following comments during the course of this year’s playoffs?

A.) Anaheim goalie J.S.Giggy is “not human”.

B.) Disney is somehow “buying the Stanley Cup”.

I apologize for my previous derision of all you “conspiracy theorists” out there, because it turns out you were on the right track all along.

Documents have surfaced that prove that J.S.G. is, in fact, not human. He is a Disney Animatronic Robot, created by the same technological wizards that brought you “KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park”.

This explains both his sudden and astonishing goaltending skills, as well as his fundamental lack of emotion during interviews.

It is rumored that the real J.S.G. is hidden away in a trailer in Arizona with Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter, until his fate can be determined. Rumor has it he will take Jimmy Hoffa’s place as “The Lincoln Exhibit” at Disney World.

These same scientists are said to have performed the same function on Billy Smith from 1979-1982, at the bequest of “La Cosa Nostra” and Billy Joel. During that time frame, the real Billy Smith played Detective Belker on “Hill Street Blues”, and had a real-life love triangle with Blair and Natalie from “The Facts Of Life”.

I’m Paul Harvey – and now you know “the rest of the story”……..

CTP, y’all


29 Responses to Uncle Walt Reaches Out From The Cryogenic Beyond…

  1. DaMick says:

    LOL@”KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park”.

    Lord dude..you are dating yourself quite bad.

    anyways Geigure is a stud & has had 2 good years in a row so any doubts about him should cease.

    DaMick

  2. defenestrate says:

    I’m not dating myself – I freely admit I’m “the old fart” here.

    Respect your elders, young man…… and remember, they said the same thing about Jim Carrey (the goalie, not the idiot)….

  3. Malurous says:

    The non-idiot has one r.

  4. defenestrate says:

    You are correct, sir. However, I am not entirely sure we can classify him as a “non-idiot”. Perhaps “not a professional idiot” would be more appropriate.

  5. DaMick says:

    im 33..lol

  6. defenestrate says:

    I’m 42 – LMOCAO

  7. DaMick says:

    LOL….::::bowing:::: im not worthy::::::

  8. big_booty says:

    The conspiracy theorists continue to have their thoughts come to fruition, appearing as prescient as Paul Atreides when it comes to certain news items around the NHL.

    A woman in Worcester, Massachussetts is recanting her story about being raped by journeyman winger Billy Tibbets. While she admits being in the back seat of Tibbets’ 1970 Dodge Dart, she insists that the young man at the time did nothing wrong, and was a perfect gentleman for the duration of their evening together.

    This is not to say that the lady did not undergo the unfortunate experience of a man forcing himself upon her without consent, it just so turns out that she was double-teamed by Kip and Kelly Miller, who waited for Tibbets to leave the car for popcorn and Raisinettes while at the drive-in, then pounced.

    While she admitted that at first she was enjoying the experience, the young maiden grew weary of the Millers’ “swordfighting” and decided she’d had enough, yelling “rape” just to get rid of them.

    Tibbets tried to come to the rescue, but got the blame when police arrived.

    When reached for comment, Tibbets said to the media that he was glad that he would finally be cleared of any wrongdoing. He said that he was most looking forward to crossing the US-Canada border without incident, and heading to Montreal to drink Molson Export, smoke bad cigarettes, and waste his NHLPA pension on ugly hookers.

    That’s the story, and I’m sticking to it.

  9. Leaf_Expert says:

    Besides this guy showing no real intelligence for the game of hockey what so ever. Besides commenting to almost every article in “sarcasm”. His articles should be considered in the same category.

    (Which is nothing less but sarcasm)..

  10. Goldenscud says:

    Hey, you forgot the part of where Clarkie signs Tibbets to a 10 year, $100 million contract to become the center peice of the franchise! This is in response to his 2001-02 numbers in which he posted a whopping 1 assist and 69 penalty minutes in 9 games with the Flyboys!

  11. defenestrate says:

    You know, I’ve only been here six months, but it doesn’t seem you had a hero’s welcome upon your “return”.

    Your syntax is garbled (you started a post with “besides”; “nothing less BUT sarcasm”(?).

    To quote the eminence grisé Kid Rock – “you can’t cap with the master, son – so sit your a$# down before I blast you one”.

    Btw – isn’t being a “leafsexpert” like being a “sanitation engineer”?

    CTP

  12. defenestrate says:

    Yes. you are – although there are others who are not, and will feel the wrath of Skeletor.

  13. defenestrate says:

    Where’s “trojan man” when you need him?

  14. aaron says:

    Laughing My Old Crusty Ass Off?

  15. Freeze says:

    You are right. It’s the same old shit with this jerk. His posts are rarely related to hockey and filled with, as you noted, sarcasm. Usually those who are sarcastic are the least satisfied of all people, at least that what Freud has to say about it. He’s a guy with a lot of personal problems, and yes, he spreads himself way too thick here.

    Then if you disagree with this jerk, you get the “you can’t match me, son…I’ll take you out behind the wood shed and kick your ass….blah, blah, blah” routine. Then the insults start up, always personal – not surprising for a guy who was expelled from 2 Catholic schools for being a smart ass. Some things just never change.

    Suggestion: Ignore him. Maybe some day the hemorroid will go away.

  16. Leaf_Expert says:

    Before I find out who’s similar IP you have and embarass you to the whoel site…

    I suggest you know your rank,recognize mine,

    take my advice and:

    “Shut Da Fuck Up!”

  17. defenestrate says:

    I was thinking “cracked” – but “crusty” is okay – “Krusty” would be better…

  18. cwthrash says:

    I’m rarely one to support others on here, but before D-strate begins to rip you apart with some well placed sarcasm, let me say this. It’s the offseason for trade rumors and the like, we are lucky to get anything relevant posted here. And only a handful of others are writing articles at all or making any kind of effort.

    You can take your own advise, ignore it. But of course you didn’t because you wrote the above statement. If you don’t like it, just move on to something else. Personally, I kinda like d-strate; wit and intelligence together are hard to find (look closer at some of his posts and you may see that). As for the Leaf kid, anything he writes should be ignored period.

    Intolerance, insults; never the answer. But why should you listen to me? Better for you to figure out the answer on your own.

  19. defenestrate says:

    I’m a jerk? Someone who was kicked off this site tells me to “know my rank, recognize his, and shut the f&^% up?”. Here’s a mirror…….

    And, Freeze, if you pay attention, I am not the one who starts the personal stuff- EVER. But I will finish it, as I have demonstrated.

    Sarcastic, yes. Spreading myself too thick – sometimes. But at least I’m trying to keep this place going. How many times can you talk about the same old wish lists and bulls$#t over and over again?

    If you’d like some nice, boring, non-sarcastic, hockey-related posts, I’ll be happy to oblige – normally. But see, I’ve accomplished my mission, which was to get a rise out of you humor-impaired, homer-blinded yahoos. So – I shall continue apace.

    Btw, nice reference to Freud – very subtle. But remember, you’re talking about a man who smoked cigars constantly, and refused to call his mouth cancer “cancer”. He referred to it instead as “that thing on my lip”.

    So – what does Freud (or threatening to “embarass me to the whole site”) have to do with hockey, O Great Sages and Keepers of the Flame of Purity?

    And what does a “Leaf Expert” do in the summer months? There’s not much raking, so do you like spray for aphids and stuff?

    In closing, thanks, cwthrash – you have the stuff CTP is made of.

    CTP / no FSTA……

  20. big_booty says:

    You insolent child. Take your own advice.

    You have no rank. You also have no respect for anyone else on this site who doesn’t agree with you.

    Go back to the Mississauga ghetto and continue to play make-believe there, “White Chocolate.” You should realize that “8 Mile” has nothing to do with a wannabe who never will be.

  21. flyersruleclarkstillsucks says:

    there’s nothing wrong with alittle sarcasm in life. and leaf_expert you’re a jackass, and that’s not sarcasm!

  22. flyersruleclarkstillsucks says:

    i heard Disney has replaced Giggy1 from game 4 with Giggy2 because he let in a goal.

  23. defenestrate says:

    I never thought about “replicants” – how many do you suppose they have? And why didn’t they clone Selanne before he left?

  24. big_booty says:

    Evidently that shipment of flesh jobs fled to freedom on Mars – they thought they could live forever.

  25. devfanman4 says:

    well the streak is over

  26. defenestrate says:

    Hey – you’re not being “hockey-related”. And your sarcasm rivals mine. Why don’y you get attacked like I do?

    Must be my winning personality…….

  27. Leaf_Expert says:

    I have no clue who put Mississauga in your head, but if you’d like to come to T.dot I wouldn’t mind bashing it out of your head…

    Go drink your beer,booze and enjoy looking at your marines….(Enjoy what ever rank you can get with your name)

  28. DG says:

    Guys, control yourselves. We’re not here to complain and whine about each other, we’re here to talk HOCKEY.

    Defenstrate’s posts are sarcastic, yes, but they’re relevant. Flames are not. If you don’t like something that’s posted, do not respond to it. That’s it.

    Thanks,

    RealityCheck (A.K.A. DG, Vice-Admin)

  29. big_booty says:

    “…enjoy looking at your marines…”

    Gods below, you really are stupid aren’t you? Do you even realize what marine biology is? Obviously not. I cannot even fathom the lack of brain cells it takes for you to come up with just such a dumb comment like that.

    Go away. Again. For good.

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